The Dolan Twins Warehouse

Santa Monica Beach

My toes dug into the warm sand and the salty smell of the ocean lingered in the air. Our first stop was the Santa Monica Beach. It was a beach littered with large umbrellas but was less crowded than what was expected of a beach this well known. It looked like the beaches you would find in movies.

The four of us walked close and closer to the water until we found a good place to set up towels. It was near the water but not too close to the point where the ride would ruin our belongings. The towels went down and the umbrellas went up.

I situated myself on the towel while Kendal and the twins took off their clothes and stood in front of me in their bathing suits. I willed myself to not look and busied myself with my camera. I slipped on a pair of reflective sunglasses so it would hide my eyes.

"Aren't you coming?" Grayson asked me, noticing that I was still in my normal clothes. I shook my head.

"I never said I loved the beach because I love to swim. I just love the vibe of the beach. I want to relax here." I smile up him from behind the sunglasses. I was lying through my teeth and Kendal knew this but she didn't push me. She gave me an understanding look. I didn't want to put my scarred body on display. Besides, I wasn't an amazing swimmer.

"Go." I shoo them away with my hands. Grayson had an uncertain look on his face but decided to listen to me for which I was thankful for.

"Come on, Ethan and Kendal! Last one to the water is paying for ice cream!" Grayson yelled. Kendal had already started running even before he finished his sentence. I watched as they ran, looking at those back muscles. I should stop.

I pull out the camera and fiddle with the settings until it looks perfect and start recording them. They somehow found a beach ball and were passing it between the three of them. Kendal and Ethan were both in the water while Grayson decided to stay on land.

Looking at them, so carefree like this makes me think. Why am I allowing a person who deserves none of my time to take away my freedom?

'The scars.' My brain reminds me and I sigh. I don't want them to be seen, obviously. But I've worn shorts on this trip already. And short sleeves. If the twins have seen anything they clearly have the tact to not mention anything.

So why am I still sitting here?

It could be because my back and stomach are one of the worst areas on my body.

It's like physical assaulters all follow a manual for injuring a person. Never injure the face or places that could be seen. The stomach is one of the best places because it's usually covered up and it's so soft. It's also a close distance from vital organs. Though those do seem like obvious facts.

But still, isn't this a way of forcing myself to get over this? Maybe it's time to replace those horrible memories with better ones.

Maybe it's time for my mind to recall these happy days instead of those days. Every time I go to the beach, I should be able to think about the fun I had there instead of the day that lead to me being rushed to the emergency room.

I know that no one would say anything if they notice. I turn off the camera and put it down, digging in my bag until I find the bikini.

"Are you ready?" I say, quietly to myself. I stare at the black bikini. It's such a simple piece of cloth and here I am having a conniption over it. Before I could overthink it anymore, I stand up and jog to the Bronco.

I make sure that no one can see me from the outside and quickly change, putting on a beach dress over the bikini. I walk back to where our stuff is and drop off the clothes in my bag. I also take the beach dress off. The bikini is simple but the top piece is long, coming down to about two inches above my belly button. It's as modest as a bikini can get and for that I am thankful for.