Insight

Chapter Twenty-Two: Another

 I sat up after a couple groggy minutes of listening to Lucy crying quietly and Izzy trying to comfort her. As I looked around, I realized that the boys and Aiden had probably gone back to their cabin. I still felt dizzy, though whether it was from the news that Lilith had died or from the multitude of weird dreams I had been having I wasn't sure. I climbed down from my bunk, feeling out of place, like maybe I wasn't actually in existence. Moxy smiled weakly at me.

"Nurse Allison came by a few minutes ago; she said she needed to take you in for another check up."

"Another? I just had one."

Moxy shrugged. "I dunno, but she said she'd come back to get you soon, whether you were awake or not." I sat down on her bunk next to her, not really saying anything.

"Why didn't they tell us how badly Lilith was doing? Especially the last couple of times we visited?" Moxy asked softly. I shook my head, not knowing how to respond, wondering if I would be able to cry. I didn't feel numb anymore, but it felt like I had known for a long while. I looked over at her; Moxy's eyes were red and puffy, but she wasn't crying.

"I need a hug." she said when she noticed me looking at her. Then she did lean into me and I gave her a tight hug.

The door to the cabin swung open.

"Oh, I didn't mean to interrupt anything." Nurse Allison said, seeing us hugging.

"You're not. I assume you're here for me." I said, getting up, my voice emotionless. She nodded and stepped aside so I could get into the wheelchair she'd brought.

When we had left the girls' cabin clearing, I said, "I know you told me I'd have more frequent check ups than the others, but this seems like a bit much. And is the wheelchair really necessary?"

"Yes, the wheelchair is necessary. The protocol is that, at least for the first two months, everyone goes to their check ups in 'chairs. They just told me that one of their machines was glitchy and they needed to get another reading."

I didn't respond, but I thought about asking why nobody else needed to get another reading if their machine was glitchy. I started feeling numb again, everything starting to feel like the world was against me. Something at this camp was definitely wrong, and it wasn't just the Save the Bees protestors that made me certain.

Neither of us said anything until we got to the door and Doctor Ayve greeted us.

"You're not going to have to go through the same procedures, just the questions and the checking of your insides-"

I cut her off. "You're gonna put me in a coma again?"

"Yes. It's unavoidable, Syany, sorry."

"I thought you said it was just a machine glitch." I directed at Nurse Allison but she just shrugged at me.

"Your Nurse will come back when we're done." Doctor Ayve said, taking the handles of my wheelchair. I wanted to get up and run far away from her, but I knew my body wasn't strong enough yet to be able to get away. I was made to go through the sterilization process again-this time I was at least prepared to be naked in front of strangers-before I was taken to the same room as I had answered questions in before.

"So Doctor Shur will be here shortly and may ask some questions, but we've been asked to let Ms. Ojita ask most of the questions as part of your counseling." Doctor Ayve said, setting me up in the room. "And I'll be back when they're done. Unfortunately it'll be to hook you up to the IV and put you in a coma again. But this time we shouldn't have to administer anything else so you shouldn't get sick." I just looked at her blankly. She finished getting me ready, even going so far as to place the helmet on my head and the attach wires to it and hook them up to a Mapp sitting in one of the two chairs set up across from me, then left. Not long after, Doctor Shur and Ms. Ojita entered, Doctor Shur sitting in the chair with the Mapp and Ms. Ojita sitting directly across from me.

"Hi, I assume you remember me from earlier today, but I'm Ms. Ojita and I'll be running this set of questions. Doctor Shur is going to keep an eye on the results because I, for the most part, don't understand what any of it means.

"As a baseline, I am to ask you what, if anything, you remember of your dreamscape."

She paused, and, realizing she was waiting for me to answer, I responded saying I remembered nothing from my dreamscape.

"Wait, isn't that unusual?" She directed at Doctor Shur, but I was the one that answered.

"I assume you're the only person that hasn't heard of me. I'm the kid that took the Anti-Serum and doesn't remember anything about their dreamscape, but I'm also the kid whose friend just died, so if we could not do this right now I'd appreciate it."

"Oh. Unfortunately, Syany, this is unavoidable. I know you must be grieving for Lilith but we have to do these tests. Now, I'm going to ask some more questions, some of them may be painful, okay? But I promise it will help you get through the grieving process in the long run."

She asked a couple more baseline questions, not unlike those Doctor Shur had asked during my first check-up, then started in with questions about Lilith.

"How often did you try and see Lilith?"

"Is this... is this really necessary?" I asked, feeling as if I were about to cry again.

"Yes, unfortunately. You have to remember, I am a grief counselor, I'm only trying to help." She responded.

"Uh, maybe two to three times a week?" I said after a short silence.

"Oh, wow, but you barely knew her." Ms. Ojita said, and I got the feeling that grief counselors were not supposed to say that. "When was the last time you saw her?"

"I dunno, the night that she went into the Infirmary, I guess. Although I have had a lot of dreams that I think are of her." I said, just coming to the realization that she was the mystery voice in my dreams. The thought shocked me out of my tearfulness. Dreams about Lilith warning me about Eir? Why is she the one my subconscious brings up? I thought, then remembered the dream I had where I was Eir, and the dream where I made Sealene sleep-walk. I was about to tell Ms. Ojita about the weird dreams-or at least the ones where I didn't make other people vault the gate and end up getting injured-when I noticed Doctor Shur looking closely at the scans of my brain and point them out to Ms. Ojita.

"Did the dreams... bother you?" Ms. Ojita asked.

"I thought you said you didn't understand the results of that thing." I said, my voice a little too accusing, but I was suspicious and began to feel nauseous again.

"I don't. But Doctor Shur obviously thought something was different, so I thought maybe the dreams bothered you."

"I mean-" I almost told her about the other dreams again, but decided against it. "They just, they felt very real."

Doctor Shur gave Ms. Ojita a pointed look and I grew more nauseous.

"Have you had other bothersome dreams?"

"Nope." I said. Another pointed look between the adults was exchanged.

"Okay. So how did you feel when trying to visit Lilith?"

"Frustrated." I said bluntly.

"Can you expand on that?"

"Eir never let us see her."

"How are you feeling... now? After the news."

"Devastated." I said, my voice flat.

"Okay, well, um, that's all the questions I have for now, we'll talk again later. Doctor Shur, do you have any questions?" Doctor Shur shook his head. "Okay, Doctor Ayve will be in shortly." They both left rather hastily. There was excited muttering outside my door, then a few minutes of silence, then Doctor Ayve came in.

"We're just going to take your vitals, then put you under." Doctor Ayve said. I didn't protest, I just let her put me in a wheelchair and get my vitals then take me to a room with a gurney and an IV like the last time. I was feeling numb again, and didn't care what was happening around me. I let Doctor Ayve put in the IV, and slowly faded into darkness.

-----

Short and incredibly bad chapter. Apologies for never editing