Mateless. (katsudeku♡)

Chapter 18

On My Own,

Pretending He's Beside Me.

*

Izuku Midoriya's POV

Where am I going? I have no idea anymore, I never had an idea anymore. There was nowhere to go and no one that I could lean upon. There was nowhere I can call home. The tears kept pouring from my eyes, softly cascading down my cheeks, meeting the pavement in a cold but welcoming reunion. My feet were carrying a dead soul, wandering aimlessly into the quiet city. I've been walking for so long, the bright gleam of sunlight slowly turned into the beautifully lonely moonlight. Despite it being a quiet night, the streets were quite filled. The empty air was filled with almost inaudible chatter of lovers, friends, and family finding their way home. Quiet laughter. An action that seemed so foreign to me now. I bit on my bottom lip, gnawing at it and drawing blood, knowing that would never be me. The world had cursed me to live painfully, torturously with no one, except my own shadow. I watched the happy smiles and the stupid, stupid, stupid lingering feeling of something better than how I was feeling that danced in the atmosphere. The streetlights kissed the dwindling city walkers' faces. Their eyes reflecting different shades of greens, reds, and yellows.

My head hung low, but my mind found itself someplace else. It weaved through my memories of something that happened only this morning, yet so far. Being with him was like a dream, did it even really happen? Could I possibly have dreamt everything that we have done together? Did I dream of the nights we spent together? Did I dream the soft, kindness in his eyes when we were younger? Was it just a dream whenever I felt more at home in his arms than I did in my own home? Did I even truly know you, Kacchan?

Help me Kacchan, I'm forgetting who you are.

When I come to think of it, all those memories seem so distant, cold. Everytime I look at him, there's someone in there that I can't recognize. I can't hold onto something, onto someone that doesn't even exist anymore. But why is he still present in every thought that brushes against my mind? Why do I think of him and feel happier? All my life, there was so many questions I asked the sky. I was never given any answers. Only the invisible comfort of speaking out the feeling of not knowing could provide me. In my life, there was no one like him, there was only him in my eyes.

I finally look up and I swear, I could roughly see a flicker of spiky blond hair making its way through the crowds, braiding through different bodies, different experiences. No one seemed to notice the boy grazing by them. My feet began to move faster than my brain could process, I found myself chasing after the silhouette of a boy that would never love me in the same way I love him.

"Wait! Kacchan, wait for me... please." And I could almost see the figure stop and turn to look at me, smiling. Welcoming me, with an outstretched hand. I felt my tears race down my face quicker, more desperately. I reached, and reached, and just as I was about to grasp,

He slips away into the city lights.

I follow him now, running and pushing anyone who had managed to have gotten in between me and the shadow of my childhood friend. Water begins to spring free from the sky, and I think, I'm not the only one who is crying now, the midnight skies are yearning for something as well, something that they can't grasp or hold. The Midnight Skies were craving the Morning Warmth, weren't they? I still continue to pursue my Kacchan through the city lights, under the saddened glow of the moonlight. The concrete of the sidewalk seemed to mimic the splendor of the luminous masterpieces that lit the streets. I could feel the environment change around me, the bright, lively city slowly disappeared into the lonesome, calming forest. Blinking, I catch him hiding behind different trees and bushes, as if he's playing a game.