Mateless. (katsudeku♡)

Chapter 25

I Can't Read

The Darkness In Your Eyes.

*

Katsuki Bakugou's POV

Sometimes, it's just done.

No formal goodbyes.

No final glances.

Nothing.

You just have to walk away and pretend you're okay with it.

Because just like that,

it's just no more.

(Time Skip One Year.)

Goodbyes hurt the most when the story has not been finished, but the book is closed.

Even if it had been an entire year, I couldn't seem to forget. Sure, I could delete his number from my phone, the messages, the pictures that I held close to my heart, but how could I delete you from every single memory we shared? How could I delete those too? Some days it was a light almost nonexistent feeling, like a slight itch on my heart which could easily be fixed by a mouthful of spice cake. Other days, I felt everything. And honestly? My heart was so exhausted from the constant switching from being just fine to being on the floor with everything falling apart around me. I used to believe that pain was worst feeling in the entire world, It was no damn secret that I missed the shit out of him. Because if I was being honest, I thought about him a lot. He was the thoughts I had at four a.m. during those countless nights where I couldn't sleep. He was the soft whistle of the wind that breezed through during the fall. He was the loud crackling sound of the fireworks on the holidays he wasn't there. He was the sound of the river, softly traveling down a pathway that never ended. It was always him, him, him. He was everything I wanted, but he was also everything I could never have.

Before I realized that love was the way that Deku spoke my name, I really thought there was only two different categories of love, love you would kill for or love you would die for. The way I felt towards him made me realize, there was a type of love that you would live for. I kept screaming for him, but it was like no one could hear me. Every time I blinked, I could still see the dim outline of his bright green eyes. His silhouette seemed to flicker in the corner of my dorm. Everywhere I looked, I could have sworn that I saw him.

He's right there! I promise!

But I knew better. I knew he was no where I could reach.

You know the feeling where you just can't be sad anymore? Like even if you try to cry, you just can't. Your body just refuses to do it, you are just so fucking tired and you literally begin to crave to sleep... maybe forever. Just wanting to relive your childhood and be a child once again. This is the only way I can explain how I feel every day when I realize that he's not here and I can't go to him.

But I had to learn to look past that. I had to learn how to live again to realize that maybe the outcome of what had happened was for the best. Maybe it wasn't the best for me, but it was the best for him. Maybe he could have stayed. Maybe he couldn't. But in all honesty, maybe he shouldn't. I learned to ignore the sharp pains in my chest that began to appear for no reason. I learned how to breathe again. Most of the time they were short and shallow gasps for air, but I was getting there, wasn't I?