Mateless. (katsudeku♡)

Chapter 31

The Closure That 

We Both Needed.

*

Izuku Midoriya's POV

"P-please don't leave me alone again."

I watch as you come to a halt. My body burning from inside, out but somehow it still yearns for your touch, you. Imperfect but all it has ever wanted. It took so long to throw away all the pieces of you that had found home in my heart and fill the emptiness with myself. Do you know I let the butterflies in my stomach when I think about you linger? I still have the last one's wings somewhere in my fondest memories. I am no longer yours but still, I want you to stay by my side for a little bit longer. The last thing I can ask for you is to stay with me tonight. 

"Please," I repeat.

You could ask me why, but I don't think I have an answer. But you didn't ask, so I didn't answer. The silence surrounded us like a casket, buried six feet beneath who we have become. My dorm room the cemetery of everything I have left behind. You no longer belong here, but there you are finding your way into a place where you will never be welcomed.

There was no reason for us to try and fix things but we both knew that we couldn't leave things like this between us, something always brings us back together. You turn and slowly approach the bed. You sit on the floor facing the bed, close but still maintaining your distance. I think I will always remember this gentle part of you. 

"I won't touch you," voice quiet, it was hard to believe it was yours.

"I know."

We sit quietly, just a pair of childhood friends lost in the aftermath of all the emotional debris. We've fought before but this time, you feel so much further from me than ever before. I have so many things that I want to ask you. How have you been these past couple of years? Like how have you really been, not that 'oh, I've been good' small talk. Have you been okay? Did you miss me at all? If you had told me you loved me before, what would have become of us? How come you changed back then? Why is the old you back a year too late? 

How come you never called?

I had so many questions but somehow the one that came out of my mouth was, "Can you get my suppressants? In the drawer."

You pull them out and pour two pills into my hand. Two capsules full of everything that was wrong with me. I never thought I would have to take these again. Thank god I still had them though. I sat up and leaned against the wall behind me. The pills were a painful reminder that somehow, fate has decided that I still wasn't complete. 

As my heat dissipated, I reach my hand out to you, searching for your warmth instead. And you enveloped it in yours. I don't know why I needed it but I think it's because I wanted to make sure that you were really there. You were as warm as I remember. I wonder if you know that I will always have memories of you burned into my fingertips, in places of me that no one would ever look. The parts of me that I have only shared with you. 

The memories don't make me miss you anymore. 

You still don't make eye contact with me when you ask, "Can you tell me about him?" 

"Him?" I knew exactly who you were talking about, but for a brief moment maybe it could have just been us.

"Moon boy, Skyscraper, or whatever, you know... the one who put that mark on you."

Instinctively, I use my hand to rub at the mark. It is as if I want to hide it from you. I don't think I have the heart to tell you that it is the most special thing to me. The mark that dips beneath the collar of my shirt, it's a secret that I will never share with you. For the first time, it is only mine.