Mateless. (katsudeku♡)

Chapter 29

Losing the Pieces of You

I Thought I Needed.

*

Izuku Midoriya's POV

(BOLDED ITALICS ARE FLASHBACKS)

"I know you will never hear this because I don't think I actually will ever build up the courage to actually call you without wanting to go back home again. I must look really stupid right now haha... holding my phone to my ear and talking to no one. I just wanted to hear your voice again."

I cried into the silence softly. I've only been away for two weeks but I can't handle feeling this distance between us anymore. It might actually be killing me. I should just let you go shouldn't I? Let you go and be happy because God, does it hurt so much to love you. But that was probably my fault, I let myself get too attach to something too obviously temporary. Kacchan, I still think of you.

"Maybe even just see your smile one more time? I really miss you. I want to actually call and for you to pick up and burst out crying, telling me that these past two weeks have been as hard on you as they have been on me. I found an old picture of us, I can't help but wonder was I in love with you this whole time. We were so happy as kids and maybe I was silly enough to even think that we could've gotten close like that again."

I sunk against the wall and let my sobs rivet through the empty apartment. A small laugh found its way through the mess. I must really be going crazy without you. The fact that I am willing to let myself fall in love with something I know I had already lost long ago proved the idea that loving someone could drive you insane. I knew the consequences of wanting to be yours. For once I thought, if you loved me back, I could ignore them all. Please Kacchan, I still think of you.

"I think it's just finally hitting me right now that this is the end. When I come back, I'll act like we never happened. I will act happy and pretend that everything is perfect because I know you will finally be happy. To be completely honest, I'm so jealous of the person who gets to be loved by you until death do you part, but that's okay. You are the love of my life, maybe I'm just not yours. I love you so much Kacchan, I hope that's the one thing about me that you will never completely forget."

The phone slipped from my hand and I buried my face into my hands. Kacchan, I will always think of you. When other people touch me, even for a second, I am still searching for your warmth. 

I let myself sit and cry for an hour before I picked up the phone again. I practiced a smile, a laugh, and just any type of fake happiness I could muster after that failed attempt of a phone call I promised myself that I would bring myself to making. I have gotten really good at faking happy so I dialed, for a real call this time. 

"Hey Mom! I'm sorry I didn't call yesterday, All Might and I were training. You'll never believe how beautiful America is. I really wish you were here with me to see it. I miss you so much."

"Isn't it a little too late for that?" I whispered, finding my hands running through my hair, "I have always loved you Bakugou, always."

I heard your breath hitch quietly in your throat as if you didn't hold your breath in, you might have said something, anything. I bit down on my lip lightly, it is too late isn't it?