Mateless. (katsudeku♡)

Chapter 26

My Affection Was Never Loud Enough,

And Now You're Gone For Good.

*

Katsuki Bakugou's POV

I am never going to be good enough for you.

I am never going to be what you deserve.

So why can't I stop being so selfish?

You're happy.

I should be happy that you finally got everything you wanted.

But despite everything, I'm never going to stop wanting you.

_______________________________________

Every single night in front of the mirror, I practiced what I was going to say to him if he ever came back. A million different tries each night but none of them ever sounded right. After an entire year of staring at the reflection of a sorry excuse for a human being, still there was nothing I could say to him that would make him forgive all the wrongs that I could never make right.

I must have looked stupid as fuck, standing there with nothing coming out of my mouth. I waited a year for this moment and the only thing that came out of my mouth was...

"D-Deku?"

His name felt foreign on my tongue. I wanted to say that it stung and something that was too hard to swallow. But it didn't feel that way at all, it just felt, out of place.

I waited for you for so long. I spent this entire year turning every corner in hopes that I would maybe see you there. It's so funny because I still don't know what hurts more, the fact that you were never there or the fact that I never gave up looking for you anyway.

I guess I held onto you too tight, but you still managed to slip through the cracks of my fingers like sand. No matter how hard I tried, you still found a way to pull away from me. Even when I opened my hands, there was still traces of you in the grooves of the places I thought were left untouched.

But now you're actually here and nothing was going the way I expected it to.

"It's been a while, hasn't it?" he paused and walked closer to me, "Bakugou."

And honestly, I had no idea what I was expecting out of this anyway.

I shivered at the way he let my name roll off his tongue, filled with poison. Every syllable killing me slowly. I had always been so used to being called 'Kacchan' or even 'Katsuki' but hearing the formalities of my last name, left my heart splintering and vulnerable. His eyes narrowed at the fact that I didn't respond but he didn't let that affect him for too long and began to speak again.

"I only got back three days ago. I was going to go surprise the class by showing up to school one day. Guess my surprise is ruined," Deku chuckled softly, uncomfortably rubbing at the back of his neck.

"Sorry."

His head snapped up at the single word that came out of my mouth. He grimaced to hide the fact that he was surprised but it was always so easy to read his eyes. The sense of surprise spread all throughout his features. He quickly turned away. I took note of the fact that he was consistently scratching at the back of his neck.