Mateless. (katsudeku♡)

Chapter 30

A Book

for Katsuki's Thoughts

*

Katsuki Bakugou's POV

A book written about you would not be considered a classic,

instead a hidden gem only for those who know what 

treasures you hold.

___________________________

If I could, I would write you a book with all the things that I have ever wanted to say to you.

The walk back to the dorm was quiet, but I also thought it was better that way. I had a chance to think about everything. I know that you don't love me now and I have to convince myself that this is for the better. You confirmed everything that I had hoped wasn't true, there wasn't any love in your heart left for me. 

The further I walked away from you, the pain seemed to ease itself. The constant ache in my chest, the pulling and tugging finally released the tension and I could breathe a little better. A little better than nothing at all. Still it somehow felt like I stopped reaching for something that I was already supposed to have. Without the pulling in my chest, my body felt just short of empty.

I would tell you that loving you was the best thing that has ever happened to me. That even if it brought me endless pain, it is something that I will never regret.

It was all over now. You moved on. I finally told you how I feel (although it was a really shitty confession), I gathered all the broken pieces of me that I have been picking up for the past year and put them all on the table. I thought if I could put all the pieces in one place, maybe it would look whole again. You finally looked at the pieces one last time and decided that you were sick of putting them back together. I had my chance already. I lost it.

I could wish on every single star to change how you feel, but I know it's not possible. Because if that was the case, I would have changed my feelings for you a long time ago. As much as I want to have you back in my arms, I can't bring myself to try and take away the love you have for someone else. 

I would tell you that there was never a moment where my heart wasn't filled with nothing but you. 

I paused, could I actually bring myself to walk to the dorms? Everyone would be there, probably talking about how great it is that you're back and how things finally went back to normal again. It's been the hot topic ever since you came back. Didn't they promise me that they would try and get us together? The whole love lesson thing and the whole plan to make sure that we could both be happy? I guess I was wrong. All they do is talk about how you look so much happier now. 

I'm sorry that I couldn't make you that happy when you gave me the chance to.

I think the thing that hurts the most is that they don't think I notice, but I do. I always do. Anything revolving you, I always notice because my eyes are on no one but you. It's the small things but I don't know why they hurt so much. How things get quiet after I walk into a room, how your entire mood changes just seeing me. The class is supposed to be complete again, but it's still not normal. I thought that everything would be okay when you came back, you could see that I have grown and I have matured for you. I want to apologize but words can't erase everything that I have done. 

 It's back to me being alone again. 

I would somehow put how I was feeling when you were gone into words. I missed you.