The Morning After [s.m]

Chapter 1

Chapter 1
The Morning After
Shawn Mendes
886 Words
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I can't do anything but cry. I can't breathe. It's just ringing in my ears.. It's crazy how two letters can have the impact of a billion bullets. I know there's people saying sweet little nothings, trying to comfort me, but I don't know how I can only hear her voice right now. I'm gasping for air but it's a dull attempt, I'm suffocating. Everyone, everything, is blurring around me. It's all coming back at me, shoving me. I stumble back, concern only increasing around me. A comforting, soft darkness starts to blanket me. I feel a sharp hit on my shoulders and it all recedes. "Shawn! Shawn! Breathe!" I blink and see my Mom standing in front of me, shaking me back to reality. I clear my throat, choking out "Where is she?" weakly. She looks down, shaking her head. Before she takes her chance to tell me out loud, I push through everyone and storm out the wide doors. My breath is heavy and my posture stiff. I see dirt kicked up but I can't make out any foot steps. I lowly growl and kick a tree trunk, again, and again. I don't care if it hurts, I bet she isn't feeling any pain. Sorry that the tree had to be the one to feel it, but I'm not really sorry either. I kick it harder, and harder, and harder. I punch it, again and again. I don't care if it bleeds, I bet my heart is bleeding more. I punch it harder, and harder, and harder. I can't seem to stop myself but I should. I think to myself, how much of a monster I look like right now, and laugh deeply. Who cares? She doesn't. She doesn't care about me, she doesn't care about our children who could've been, she doesn't care about the memories and the futures. I look around me, seeing people's faces drop, tears being shed, all turning away and going back to the venue. Good. They're scared. But they'll never feel fear like I have. I walk towards my change room, glaring at those daring to whisper about me "Speak up huh? We all know it's great when people say how they really feel!" I laugh at myself, sarcasm dripping from my words. I reach the door to my room and shove it open, grabbing my car keys. My car is parked right beside and I lock the doors before anyone gets the chance to stop me. I slam the gas, staring ahead at the straight, stranded highway. Speed isn't even a number by now. It goes on for miles and miles, my raging thoughts stretching out just as far. A turnoff into a thick forest brings me a familiarity that I desperately needed. I turn sharply and leave my car as if, running towards the far shadow of a cabin. This would've been our escape after our wedding. Now it's my escape from my wedding. I fumble with the keys on my keyring and finally unlock the door. I step in, my eyes falling on the trail of rose petals. I grab them in fistfuls until I reach the last one. I throw them out the window, watching as they land on the fire pit. It's not like I have someone to sit around the fire with. I fall back onto the bed, staring blankly at the wooden ceiling. Now that I'm alone, it has its chance to settle in with me. Misery likes company. I have millions of questions, beyond the 5 W's but not excluding. Who was she really? What did she want from me, from all of this? When did she decide that it wasn't worth anything? Where is she? Why did she say it, why did she say no? My mind pieces together every insecurity I've ever had about our relationship but it falls through. It was so perfect. We were so happy. Now I can guarantee, happy is not a word I'll ever use to describe this. My breath hitches and I stumble outside before my mind gets the chance to choke me. I walk around the cabin, finding an axe leaning against the outdoor wall. I hold it firmly, striking down on the wooden he I find around me. I dryly heave and sit down. I never cried, since she said no. Is it even worth my tears? Every drop of salty sadness with not fix it. I bet she's all dandy too, not crying out of pure joy and not a lack of any empathy. I shake my head and throw more logs to the fire pit, crushing the rose petals, tinging the wood a light red. I run around to the front of the cabin, entering only to grab a lighter. I knock down an upright but cut log and take a seat at it, switching the lighter and seeing its fire come to life. I hold it to the wood until it too sets ablaze. I watch it burn, desperately hoping it's heat will melt my peace of mind back together. I watch it's light fade, wondering if those same sparks will ever fly again in my heart..

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