So, There's an Assassin in My Bed - Kyman (Kyle x Cartman)

kyle

[kyle's point of view]

"then bang! they were dead!" stan exclaims loudly, people in the diner turn towards our table. his face heats up in embarrassment. "oops, sorry."

stan stuffs his fries into his mouth, and with a mouthful of food, asks, "who was that hot guy that left our house yesterday?"

i glare at him, "one; he is not 'hot' two; he is annoying as fuck three; i kinda hooked up with him when we went clubbing. and before you ask, no, it was a one time thing, the only relationship i need is with my work." i sigh contently.

"so he's available?"

"don't you have a girlfriend?"

"nope!" he says popping the 'p'

a wave of anger hits me, shit, i'm not actually getting jealous am i?

"well, you're not gay."

"i'm bisexual, my dear friend. i like the v and the d."

an elderly lady scoffs behind us, "disgusting."

"well, your face is disgusting!" stan snaps back.

"how rude of you! i will report you!" she frowns.

i roll my eyes, "for what? orderly conduct?"

she scoffs once more before grabbing her bag and storming out of the restaurant. "ha! i won." stan fist pumps the air.

i roll my eyes, jocks? amirite?

-

"bebe stevens, the illegal assassin was arrested in her downtown apartment at approximately 11:36 this morning, she was involved in the recent crime spree that is spreading throughout denver, not to mention the murder, robbery, assault and abusing illegal substances while driving. more on this story when it evolves."

"that's fucking bullshit!" craig shouts.

"they arrested her? are they gonna get me?" clyde bites his lip worryingly.

"the fuck?! what if they get me! what if they hire an assassin to take out an assassin?!" stan yells.

"enough!" our boss says, obviously silencing the whole room. "i have people, inside people that are working there asses off to try and get her out, all of you need to lay low, we have reason to believe that the police already have each of your addresses, so we have assigned each of you safe houses, these are people i trust, people i know that won't say shit."

safe houses? laying low? the fuck?

"marsh, you're staying with a girl i've known a long time, her name is nichole, she's a great person but also a black belt in karate so don't try and fuck with her."

the boss hands stan a slip of paper, "that's her address, you will move out of your house and into hers immediately."

"broflovski, you're staying with an old friend of mine; kenny, and his boyfriend, butters. same goes to you, move out asap."

he goes on to craig, who is moving in with tweek, obviously he was excited but trying to hide it. and clyde is going to be living with a guy named token, clyde was over excited to have a new roommate, scary to be honest.

"so we don't get a choice?" i ask.

"unless you want to get arrested, then no, you don't have a choice."

"great, fantastic." i mumble sarcastically.

little did kyle know moving would be the best decision in his life.

-

A/N: yo-yo-yo

wassup, i know this assassin thing is really inaccurate but like, i can't be bothered doing research lol oops

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bye bye bye x