Find My Heart (boyxboy)

20. To Text or Not to Text

Cole

I made my way slowly to Highfield Hall. It had been 8 weeks since I'd seen Nathan.

I thought that over time, the pain of the rejection would go away, that it would hurt less. I was wrong. Every Saturday it seemed to be getting harder and harder to motivate myself to walk the short distance to the Hall.

Sure, once I was there, I usually managed to lose myself in what I was there to do. But just going to the place, physically putting one foot in front of the other to go to the place that I first saw Nathan required so much effort that once I got there I was already exhausted.

It didn't help that I hadn't slept properly in weeks.

I walked in through the front gate, something I still managed to chuckle about, despite my mood, and walked over to where I saw James and Emily looking over our latest plans.

"Hey Cole, how's thi....woah you look rough, are you feeling ok?" Emily said, coming over to me and giving me the once over, before settling for looking directly into my eyes.

"I'm fine," I said, breaking eye contact, as I looked down in embarrassment. "I just didn't sleep well, that's all."

Emily looked as if she was going to say something further, but a few other students arrived so she just offered me a weak smile before she turned away to greet them.

I knew that wasn't the last I would hear from her, but I managed to sneak myself off to the far corner of the woodlands to give myself a little breathing room.

Don't get me wrong, I really like Emily. She was incredibly perceptive, as well as being kind and caring. But sometimes you just want to be left alone.

And sure enough after I had spent a blissfully peaceful hour updating plans to show where certain plants were located, I heard footsteps.

"I wondered how long it would take you to find me," I said without looking up.

I heard Emily chuckle.

She came over and sat next to me on a fallen tree.

"You know I spoke to him yesterday," she said.

I felt my heart rate speed up, but I didn't let it show and I kept my gaze focussed intensely on the plans in front of me.

"Oh right," I answered distractedly.

"He misses you."

I couldn't help but snap my face round to look at her, a scowl fixed on my face.

"He misses me?" I barked out in indignation.

Emily bit her lip, and I could see she felt guilty bringing up a topic that was bound to irritate me.

"Of course he misses you Cole. He may be stupid, but he has a heart, despite what people may say."

No matter how annoyed I was with Nathan, I always felt a bit of a pang in my chest when I heard of others disliking him, or mocking him.

I shrugged at her words. "It was his choice," I said coldly, going back to studying the plans in front of me.

"Please don't hate him," Emily said softly.

I sighed wishing I wasn't having this conversation right now.

"I don't hate him!" I snapped, turning to look at Emily, but on seeing the concern in her eyes, I took a deep breath and willed myself to calm down and not take my frustration out on her. "I could never hate him," I almost whispered.