Find My Heart (boyxboy)

38. That's Me

Casper

It was funny to think how my life was going to end. Out here alone in the woods, with just a noisy grasshopper for company.

The pain in my back was excruciating.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out the pin Emily had given to me while she lay dying. Maybe this thing was cursed.

Another wave of pain took my breath away, and I gripped the pin tightly. So tightly that it dug into my skin and drew blood. I focused on the pain in my hand. It was a different kind of pain, and somehow easier to handle.

It made me feel less alone. Like Emily and Joel were somehow here with me, helping me through.

The sound of police sirens broke through the silence that had surrounded me for some time.

It must be over now. I just hoped it had gone to plan.

It was almost worth it. To lose your life to free your pack from hunters for good.

I slipped in and out of consciousness, trying my best to fight the darkness that was trying to suck me in.

I knew I was dying, I'd accepted that, but I really didn't want to die alone.

There were things to be said.

I couldn't help but think of my pups. Still less than 2 years old and orphaned in the space of a few months. I knew they would be well looked after. The pack would rally round and make sure they were well loved. But that didn't change the fact that no one should have to grow up without a parent. God, the things I would do differently if I had my time again....

The pain really was getting unbearable now. I knew I couldn't hold out much longer.

A noise in front of me made me open up my eyes again, not that I'd realised they were closed in the first place.

"Hey, are you ok?" a man in police uniform asked.

"No," I croaked out, not having the energy to say anything else.

"What's your name?" he asked.

"Cas-Casper," I wheesed out before grimacing in pain.

I heard the static noise of a radio.

"Seb, we have a man down out here. Says his name is Casper."

There was a pause before a voice came back, "Joe's on his way."

Joe. Joe. Golden boy Joe. Everyone talked about Joe like he was some sort of God.

I wasn't sure I wanted him to be the last person I saw.

Shit my eyes were closed again.

The effort it took to open them again was immense.

I saw a glow of yellow light coming from the distance.

Was this it? Was this the bright light that everyone talked about?

The light got closer and bigger, and everything else around me seemed suddenly dark.

Wait, was it dark already?

My mind was muddled and I couldn't think straight.

What was that light again?

I stared at it, willing it to come closer. Willing it to come and finally take this pain away.

Death wasn't all bad. I would get to see Emily again. And maybe Joel.

It was ok to be selfish in death wasn't it?

Something was coming out of the light. A black blur.

My eyelids were getting so heavy and every blink seemed to take forever.

The black shape soon parted into three shapes. Three human shapes, illuminated by the light behind them.

As they got closer I could see it was three men. Three very fit looking men.

Internally I sniggered at the sight before me. It looked like something off a film set. Three men with well defined muscles, dressed in tight fitting t-shirts, combat pants and boots, striding towards me, silhouetted by a soft glow of light.

If these men were coming to take me to heaven, I was more than in. Fuck, maybe I was gay. If I could have laughed, I would have.

As they got closer I recognised the figures of Nathan and Jamie flanking another male who I didn't recognise.

Whoever he was though, he was fit.

My eyes dropped shut again, exhaustion taking over.

I heard and felt the men arrive, and one of them knelt down in front of me.

I focussed every last bit of strength I had to open my eyes.

"Casper, Casper," the blurred shape said.

The voice sounded familiar. And comforting, definitely comforting.

My eyes rolled around as I tried to focus on the figure.

"Hey," he said, grabbing hold of my shoulders. "Casper, look at me."

His hands were warm and I wanted to do what he said. I needed to do what he said.

I strained my eyes and did my best to concentrate, as the blur in front of me slowly came into focus.

"There you are," said Joel as he flashed me a smile, that damn dimple sending a wave of longing flooding through my body.

"Cub?" I croaked out.

"That's me," he said.

Then everything went black.

I couldn't see and I could no longer feel any pain. I didn't know where I was, or even who I was.

But what I did feel was warmth, and comfort, and love.

An immense feeling of love.

Almost overwhelming.

It was beautiful.

It was heaven.