His Only

Chapter Nineteen Hard Choices

Please note this chapter is very heavy, so trigger warning for depression! Get your tissues ready!

I'll leave a small summary on the next page.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Jake's Perspective~

Once I had consumed enough blood I had woken up, but everything was still dark.

Stop it! Stop it! I screamed in my head.

I focused hard on trying to stop it.

Don't hurt her! I yelled trying to stop it.

I couldn't see, hear or feel what was happening, but I needed to stop it before it was too late.

Stop! Stop! I yelled knowing it can hear me

Fine... It responded.

It's voice taunting me.

Don't forget our arrangement, Jake. It warned.

I felt everything at once. I smelled her scent, I felt someone shaking against me and I heard her crying. I saw her head and realized I was holding her back against. My hand was over her mouth quieting her. I let go of her afraid I hurt her. She fell to her knees sobbing loudly not facing me.

"Emily. I'm so sorry. Emily," I said kneeling down in front of her trying to console her. "I'm not going to hurt you. I would never try to hurt you. You have to believe me."

I touched her hand trying to get her to look at me, but she jerked away from my touch. She whimpered scared.

"I'm sorry. Please... Please don't hurt me!" she whimpered.

She's scared of me and won't forget about this day. She'll always know I am nothing, but a monster. Meant only to destroy everything. I can't make her stay with me afraid forever. I thought sadly.

I looked down at my hands sitting on the ground defeatedly.

"I'm sorry Emily. I'm so sorry. I would never hurt you intentionally," I whispered.

She didn't respond too much in shock.

"I don't want you to live this way. I never wanted you to live in fear," I said feeling myself ripping apart in two.

I looked at her sobbing form knowing there was nothing left.

"When I found you I promised to keep you safe," I whispered choking on my words knowing how badly I failed her, "So that's what I will do. I'll protect you."

I stood up quickly picking her up running to the beginning of the park. I stopped near the entrance to the side so no one would see us.

"I'll protect you. The only thing that's a danger to you is me and with me, I will always be your biggest threat," I whispered setting her down. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Emily..."

I kissed the top of her head hoping she could hear me.

"I love you, Emily. I love you so much I can't live with myself knowing I am the danger," I said sadly. "Please live a normal life and be safe my love. I hope you can learn to forget me."

I stood up shakily feeling everything burning with the desire to hold her.

I can't. She's not safe with me. I thought.

"Goodbye, my love," I said and turned away running.

I ran for what felt like hours, but might of been minutes. Time started feeling distorted as everything started to look the same. I groaned feeling numb and heavy all over. Flashes of her screaming and crying piled into my head no matter how far I ran. I wanted to run back to her, but I couldn't.

This is for her. I thought.

I stopped moving starting to shake violently remembering her pull away from my touch.

This is for her. I repeated.

I fell to my knees the will to move on leaving me as images of her dying filled my mind. I could hear her crying.

Monster. I thought.

"I failed her," I whispered covering my face with my hands.

I tried to stand to run, move or do anything, but my body stopped cooperating. I felt like I was starting to suffocate.

Monster. Beast. Failure. Should have ended it years ago. Better off without you. The thoughts started swirling in my mind.

"I shouldn't be alive," I whispered.

I yelled out frustrated and defeated wanting the pain to stop.

"Kill me!" I yelled.

I could hear someone running towards me not too far away. They stopped nearby breathing deeply.

"I'm done here," I said feeling everything crumbling inside of me. "I'm cursed."

My hopes of seeing Emily happy were gone. Everything I had to live for was gone. Nothing would ever change that.

It's my fault. I thought.

I heard the footsteps approaching me from behind slowly. I could hear in the way they stepped they were a hunter. We had very defined steps, cautious and planned yet quick.

"I'm done here. Please just kill me. My reason to hold on is gone," I said. "I failed her. I don't deserve her. I never deserved her. Please. Hunter. Kill me."

"If I stay alive I will hurt her," I said weakly, but they didn't respond.

 "I am Jake Binishae," I said my voice shaking. "Please end this curse."  

"Jake," the voice whispered. "I can't believe I found you."

I heard him speak more to me, but everything faded away. All I felt was pain, emptiness and regret. I heard my own voice through the darkness.

"I'm a monster. I live to destroy. I failed."

The darkness grew until I heard nothing, felt nothing and had become nothing, but a shell of a failure.