KILLER

Chapter Eight

"All alone, that's what I am. I am not afraid of being alone, I'm afraid of being lonely."

I sat there in the dark, on the floor in the middle of the living room. The house was silent, it hurt being back here. I couldn't seem to wrap my head around everything that's happened, everything I lost all because of one crazy man.

All I needed was to clear my head, so I went for a walk and ended up here, where I find myself most of the time when I cant breathe.

When I mean breathe, I mean really breathe.

It hurt being back here, seeing all of our pictures hanging up on the walls, Gemma's toys were still scattered around the house. She was always good with cleaning up, she'd usually do it after dinner but she didn't get the chance to.

I hold her stuffed rabbit in my arms, Derek got it for her when she was two and she wouldn't put the thing down, wherever she went, it went with her. My heart was racing in my chest and I couldn't stop shaking, all my emotions gone haywire.

I sat here, remembering all the times I'd watch her run in here, laughing her head off while running from Derek, who was chasing her. Her laugh always seemed to bounce off the walls, a lovely sound.

My hands fumble around with my gun in my hands while I glanced around, the streetlights shining in through the half pulled curtains covering the living room window. Blankets covered the furniture, all the pictures lied down so I wouldn't hurt anymore.

But I couldn't escape them, not here - this was our home. Mine and Derek's first home we moved into, where Gemma took her first steps and said her first words. Tears run down my face as I rocked back and forth.

I thought I knew everything, I thought I would heal fast but it was impossible. I couldn't just forget about my husband and our children, the life we had and future we planned.

I couldn't block out the memories, but I could learn to live with them and that terrifies me.

Living without them scares the hell out of me. Because I've made it a year without them, and it seemed they were fading away from me.

Sure, I could be alone in life, maybe. But I couldn't stand be lonely, Derek always made up for it, always being by my side. Now I was left alone in my mind, leading me around in circles.

I watch as my phone rings, watching her name pop up for the fifth time now. She wouldn't leave me alone, saying she was worried but I knew she wanted to know if I would report her. I wouldn't, which made my stomach churn.

Grunting out I stand to my feet, my hair was pulled up into a bun, I was in tights and an oversized t shirt, hiding my gun in my waistband.

I grab his grey hoodie and slip it on before heading for the front door, glancing around before leaving, feeling my heart sink in my chest.

I lock the door behind me and start walking down the sidewalk, glancing around me whenever a car drove past. No one would be out walking at this time of night thankfully, but people who pass by might think its strange.

It was past midnight and I wasn't exactly sure where I was going, all I know is I needed to keep walking, clearing my head of everything - maybe that way I'd actually get some sleep.

My phones rings, this time is was an unknown caller, I sighed out and answered, "Listen, I'm not in any mood to talk right now, so politely fuck off," I snapped.