KILLER

Chapter Eighteen

"your stuck in my head and I can't get you out of it."

Whenever things became hard, and I always wanted to give up - I'd always go running back to Derek.

Because somehow in life, he had become my anchor, the person who could break my heart in two, but I'd still love him until the end of time.

Derek came into my life, when I needed someone the most, yet I didn't know he'd be my person. He was the exact opposite of me, yet somehow he managed to steal my heart.

He was often gone in the beginning, off doing odd jobs for the boss man. That was, until Gemma came along. The first year he was around almost every day.

But as the years passed, he became distant, always doing jobs, coming home all beat up.

All I wanted was to hold him when I was losing him. I couldn't shake him, I was afraid I never would because Derek Smith was my first real love.

He was the one person I'd chase after, the one person I'd go back too. I'd follow him to the ends of the earth, because I was batshit crazy in love with him.

Not only was he my husband, but he was the father of my kid. The one we both raised.

Sure, him and I fought a lot. More after Gemma came, because to him some jobs came first.

It was hard loving and hating the same man.

He taught me everything I needed to know about love.

"It's unexpected, and raw. You can't get enough of each other." He whispered, looking at me with sad eyes.

Derek Smith was the one for me.

So when the day came; where I had to bury both him and Gemma, that was the day I died inside - when I stopped caring.

I started bending the rules a bit at work, noticing things I've never seen before - how corrupt everyone was around me.

My life was slowly falling apart and I didn't want to believe it, I always acted like everything was fine when it wasn't.

I was struggling and Derek wasn't there.

But that night, when I lost him and Gemma, waking up in that hospital bed with Wesley by my side, that was the night I felt true heart ache.

That's when I lost all belief in God, because if there was a God, he wouldn't have taken my children away from me.

Making love so unkind.

I hated it, because I couldn't stop thinking about him.

"How's Jameson?" I questioned softly, holding my cellphone up to my ear, waiting for Wesley's reply.

My anxiety rising by the second when Wes blew out a sigh, "He's doing good, wont stop asking about you," He drawls out before adding.

"Are you alright Hayley?" His voice came out below a whisper, and I could hear the concern in his words; feeling chills run down my spine.

Because he's been there for me through everything, he knows me like the palm of his hand - he knew how my brain worked.

I cleared my throat, glancing around the house, "I'm alive, that's got to mean something right?" I say, laughing out under my breath.