Not So Picture Perfect

Chapter 27

"Hayden?"

"Hey Nate"

"I miss you beautiful", he mumbles softly.

"I miss you too, I'm sorry I never called. I've been so caught up in work"-and shawn-, "I'm coming home, in a week, maybe we can hang out?"

"I might be at School"

"Oh come on Nathan don't lie to me, you'll be on Spring break. Seriously what's wrong, I don't care if you don't want to see me, I guess I deserve that huh?"

"look Hayden, I'm not a dumbass, you're with Shawn. I'm happy for you, but I just need some time without you okay? I'll let you know if I want to see you next week."

I laugh sadly, "this was only meant to be for one night you know"

He sighs and I can almost see him rolling those green eyes of his.

"yeah"

"I'm sorry Nate. I'll see you soon okay?"

"Sure", he says then hangs up without another word. 

I fucked up. I keep doing that it seems. It gives  me stuff to write about, even if the lyrics are shit. Writing is almost therapeutic for me, it lets me pour out all my thoughts and feelings onto one little piece of paper. I like that better than actually talking to people. 

Shawn and I head out with Aliayh to go see a movie, but I don't really feel like going. Right now I just want to be at home with Sophie, drinking a Chocolate strawberry milkshake and watching The Bachelor. 

"You okay?", Shawn asks nudging me as we walk into the theater.

I shrug and nod, not wanting to tell him I talked to Nathan. 

"What did he say?", Shawn asks with a sigh as he abruptly stops walking. I shoot him a look, "Aliyah told me, sorry Hayden she's my sister, she's gonna tell me things"

Now I give Aliyah a look. She smiles at me almost sadly, and shrugs. 

"He knows about us somehow, he's upset but I guess he has a right to be. I asked if he wanted to hang out and he lied to me. Shawn I always mess things up. I'm sorry", I ramble.

Surprisingly Shawn doesn't respond, instead he wraps his arms around me in a bear hug and kisses the top of my head softly. 

"Let's just go watch this movie eh? It'll cheer the both of us up"

~<>~<><>~<><><>~<><>~<>~

"Do you have to go?", Aliyah whines, sitting next to me on her bed. 

"I miss my family, it's been like four months since I've made an effort to even go see them. How awful of me is that?", I chuckle sadly. 

I don't want to leave the Mendes family so soon. They make me feel safe and welcome and accepted. I'm afraid my parents wont think that much of Shawn. I'm afraid they won't even welcome me back home if I'm honest. I've kind of been a terrible daughter these past few months. 

"You're coming back though right? You're not staying in Texas?", Aliyah prods.

"No, I don't think so, not this time. I like Toronto, and L.A. Texas doesn't feel right anymore"

My music video made people assume that I was going to stay in Texas, in reality it was kind of like me saying goodbye to the place that gave me so much. And took a lot from me too I guess.  

Once I start getting into my music and figuring out more about who I am, and what I want, maybe then I'll go back for good. For now though, Toronto and L.A. are enough for me, if I've got Shawn.