Random or Sad Stuff

Part 80 (NOT MINE)

Trying is a nightmare

At first it was fun
Which unconsciously hit me like a gun
Unwillingly trying to accept
That I couldn't be adept
Fun started to become jealousy
Which humiliate my numb insides endlessly

Prevented me to think rationally
Yeah, I could scream internally
Jesus Christ my cold heart got nailed
I feel like my ego got jailed

I started to drink
While being blind
It became easier to think
I let loose of my mind

I started being honest to myself
Trying to consider to make her happy herself
Love; Pain; Jealousy; Hatred; Feelings got numb
You could say I am fucking dumb

Trying to not care
Couldn't made me bear
That there was nothing there
Just my own healthcare

Trying to wake up
From this nightmare
So called life by Craig
Made my life spare

In all honesty
I needed an final apology
Telling the incriminating truth
While pressing my paining tooth
I finally made up my mind
That I need to be unkind

Because in the End
She's a good friend
Realizing I am the main protagonist of my life
My heart stopped feeling the knife

Taking the ditch willingly
So I could make this rhyme chillingly
Trying to prevent it killing me
I am the only one who's thrilling me

The pain is gone
But emptiness got drawn
It's better like this since I'm trying to be done
Recovering from the stun

Thanks for everyone who supported me
It will take time
But it's not a crime
Now I'll be free





Context: Realizing it to late.
Also another good quote to understand the craig line: "What happened when you woke up?"
"I was having a dream. I don't know what it was, but when I woke up, I had this awful realization that I was awake. It hit me like a brick in the groin."
"Like a brick in the groin, I see."
"I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare."
"And what is that nightmare, Craig?"
"Life."
"Life is a nightmare."
"Yes."

― Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story <- apparently a really good book, helped with my friend's depression