Sarcasm is not to be found, it is naturally obtained
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
*Stupidity got us into this mess - why can't it get us out?
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
*Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
It hurts to be on the cutting edge.
If it ain't broke, fix it till it is.
I don't get even, I get odder.
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it.
I am having an out of money experience.
I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
I am in shape. Round is a shape.
Not afraid of heights - afraid of widths.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
*A day without sunshine is like night.
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.
It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
*Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
*Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom, sometimes age comes alone.
Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.
*Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
*Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
