Between the Barn and the Stage

4

"Dad!" I shouted. He smiled at me from the wheelchair, oxygen tube in his nose. My grandmother stood behind him, pushing him along. I ran from behind the counter. I knew nobody would really pay attention to me, so I threw a huge around him.

How are you dealing with the cancer? I signed with glee. He smiled and weakly scratched the back of his bald head. That's why I'm here, sweetie. I ran from the hospital to tell you in person. he signed, and grandma made a face and looked away. "Grandma, what is it?" I asked in Korean.

"Listen to your father, Lee." she responded quietly.

I looked back to dad. He began to move his hands, but then he froze. Then he signed, The cancer is back. And...worse.

What?

I'm sorry, sweetie. They say I have another month before I'm gone.

I closed my eyes. It was my way of being defiant towards my father, because then he couldn't communicate. But a rough voice said, "Dylan." and my eyes flew open. My dad signed to my grandmother, and I had to translate because she only knew KSL. We went out of the building, and there I wrapped my dad in a tight hug. I pulled away. Can I live with you instead of mom?

You know your mother got full custody of you when we divorced.

Yeah, but I can come to your house all the time and say it was because you're a friend.

I live miles away, sweetie.

Dad...why did you have to smoke?

I'm sorry, Dylan. Hey, look at me. I'll text you every night.

I couldn't sign anymore. I just nodded, and my dad seemed to sense this. He closed his fist and moved it in a slow circle over his chest. I'm sorry.

I...I have to go. I love you, dad. Please get better.

I turned around after that. Nobody noticed me come in, and then I realized I had left Chatham at the bar. He was watching me as I came in, and I looked away to the door behind the bar to the staff room. "Dylan--" he began, and I silently closed the door behind me. "Someone else go tend the bar. I'm going home." I said, and Caleb looked up from the shoe he was tying.

"Why are you leaving so early? You haven't--" he stopped midsentence at seeing me, and he cleared his throat. "Sure. Okay. I'll take it over, Ana can do all the cooking herself, she's good at it."

"Thank you." I said, hanging my apron back up. I went through the bar again, ignoring anyone who might be watching me. I went to my friend's table, and said, "I'm turning in, guys."

"Dyl, you haven't even eaten--Dylan, what happened?" Kieran asked, standing up. "Did the guy over there do something to you? What did he do--"

"Nothing, Kieran. It's my dad." I said. Of my friends from school, Kieran was the only one who knew the whole situation. He even knows ASL because he wanted to speak with my dad. He eased and said, "I'll drive. Just in case...you know. Just in case." he said, not daring bring up my worry issue. I haven't really told anyone, but sometimes I worry about something so much I can't move. I think it's called a panic attack, I never looked into it. Kieran saw me do it once at the end of football practice, and he's the only one who knows. He's probably the closest friend I have.

I nodded, and everyone watched me with worry as Kieran led me out of the restaurant and to my truck. "Keys."

I tossed the keys to him. He opened the driver side door, and I climbed in the passenger seat. I let it loose then.