"i thought you were a guy, that's why we even answered your craigslist offer!"
"well i look like a little boy so i think that's good enough, am i right?"
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my father had always looked at me the same way. filled with the constant gazes of disappointment and if i were being honest it was always utterly tiring. it had caused my heart to pound so heavily due to the side effects of his negativity. because let's face it, i was never what he was expecting even before i was born.
exhibit a; he really wanted a son, my name explains that a lot. exhibit b; he also strives for me to be a doctor while here i am, teaching fifth graders through songs i make up from the top of my head. to conclude it all i would never be acceptable in my father eyes, so once i was accompanied with them at this moment i was stuck in the emotions of pure fear. "this just got soap opera real fast." troy informs from behind me as i begin to shake my head when i gape at the individual in front of me.
"how- i don't understand, why are you here?" i question due to needing answers from the way he had stood in front of me for the first time in almost three years.
"kind of expecting a better reaction then that, joey." he states as the sudden realization of his cockiness and oblivion had caused it all to spill out. the desolation and anger i had held in within this time being shown to everyone.
"a better reaction, huh? after almost three years when you were the one who disowned me. now you show up on my doorstep with this bullshit christmas spirit make up. well you know what, baba? i don't want you here nor i have needed you for all this time." i finally let out as i had slammed the door and let my hands create fists at my side. my feet stomp to the direction of my room as i shut it with harshness. i even go to throw my body onto my bed as i shove my face into my pillow with vexation.
yet moments later the opening of the door lets me face the person who dares to follow as i am accompanied with grayson dolan, himself. a smile faint on his lips when he closes the door behind as he ambles closer to where i lay. "i know that just made you really upset but i just wanted to make sure that you're okay and-" i had not let the man finish his words when my arms abruptly wrap around his neck as i pull myself in close.
i'm in need of something or someone to cry onto when i am possessed by these thoughts. and he helped with that as he moves closer when guiding his own arms to be embracing my waist as i sit on his lap when i weep. his fingers even begin with their own methods of relaxation as they run up and down my back. "grayson he wanted nothing to do with me. didn't even want to remember anything about me when i moved here, he made that clear. now here he is at our doorstep, i know i'm all crafts and rainbows but not with him." i explain as i pull a little apart now when grayson's hands cup my face.
his thumbs attempt to rid of the tears that spill from my irises. the man nods in the process as he stares with sorrow. "i know, joey. and i hate seeing you like this. i hate when you cry, i mean you're the literal embodiment of the sun in this apartment." he informs softly as i chuckle quietly now as i try to see the light of how he cares about me. "and you know what you don't have to see him just yet either. i mean you have right to be angry with him, angel." i knew the nickname didn't phase him but it affected me. it had let my mind focus on that for a second as i had nodded slowly.
