Longing For Love (Diff. Pov.)

The Pain In Every Smile

You might think that every love story ends with a happy ending.
If you do, I just want you to know that you're wrong.
Ever heard of Romeo And Juliet?
Real Tragedy.
Now, im not saying that my story is as tragic, I know that there's worse out there.

As the days go by, Things tend to become more difficult.

When ever I see her pass by the only thing that I remember is how much I care for her. When ever she would pass me by I would always wish for her to stop walking.. To just be here with me...
Sometimes I just wish that I stop.
Stop caring about her,
Stop being obsessed with her,
Stop being an Idiot...
And maybe stop this life once and for all.
Never really felt appreciated by anyone... except my family... and a few friends I guess... I deserve to just disappear but they don't deserve the pain that im going to leave them.. If they even cared in the first place.

Now that I've felt the pain... im not afraid anymore.

When ever I would scroll down my facebook feed I would see them tagging each other and being sweet.

"Tag The Most Beautiful Girl You Know. " 
said the post.

Allen Lucence has tagged Kaye Tamine in a post

I scroll down as If I see nothing.... but my damned heart can't help itself and so.... I read.

Comments Section

Allen Lucence
          Kaye Tamine 💕 Ilyy

Kaye Tamine
Ily too bebee💖

..... I brought this upon myself... If curiousity killed the cat then in my version curiosity broke the heart... Corny I know...but its 8 in the evening and im seeing these damned posts...

...heh.. I don't think I can go on for the night. Im gonna turn in and hope for the best tomorrow instead.

Beep! Beep!   -  Beep! Beep!

...It's already 5:30..?

I don't feel like going to school today... let alone getting out of bed... Should I turn in for the day and just keep sleeping?.... nothing worth while to do anymore.... but then again.. if im at bed I'll just get even worse..

"Why so dumb Quas?" I say to myself while I lie in bed.

"Might aswell get my ass out of bed... Maybe my classmates can make me a laugh a bit"  
I whisper to myself

"hm..friends.." I murmur 

I went to the bathroom and finished in about 30 mins or so, I got to school at around 6:30 for taking so long in the bathroom and having deep thoughts while I was on my way to school

I don't know much but I honestly think that there are things that simply can't be said to other people.... it's just that 
  I'm so exhausted. I feel like I'm repeating the same day over and over, the same routine, same feelings. I'm so sick of everything, I just want to feel alive and be happy but there's so many things that gets in the way... there are people that suffer from family problems... and then there's me ... suffering from emotional instability... I simply don't feel the same way I did years ago. Now there's always something missing...

After a while of deep thoughts about my recent decisions, I manage to get to school.
I went up in my room. and the moment I climb up the stairs.... I see them. Both of them..
and she looked at me... she saw me too , So i smiled. 
I can't look sad...she can't know the way I am.
she shouldn't be the reason I feel this way. She isn't... so I smiled.... A smile that didn't seem genuine, a smile that was as transparent as glass. 
The smile where you can see joy in the smile but pain in the eyes.

The first three subject's flew by easily and before I had known it, It was recess.
I just sat down somewhere in the classroom. Mostly at the back of the Square shaped classroom. Somewhere around the back, I'd be in one of the corners. 

After Minutes Of Sitting In One Of The Corners Recess Had Ended

It was now our English time and It was their TLE and they had to take the path besides our classroom. And 

I would always see her pass byEvery.Damned.Time.

And as Kaye was passing by our room, she had looked into the windows... I don't know if she saw me... she probably didn't.... But.. I still smiled.

After classes , I didn't really feel anything. But I was definitely craving for the comfort of my bed. It's the only shoulder I can cry to. Funny how it's the inanimate objects that we cry on and not the people that care about us.... does anyone even care about me? Do I even matter?
The day went as fast as my time with her. It didn't last long at all.
As I got my bag and headed out towards the stairs (which was near their classroom) I  saw Allen and Kaye together again, I smiled.
Afterwards I went ahead home, Dropped my bagged and just lied in bed. Scrolling through my phone. And then again.
I saw another post where both of them commented, tagging each other , saying their I love you's.
She seemed happy,

And so once more, I smiled.

Not because I've gone insane

But because I believe that life is about loving,

Loving with expecting nothing in return,

Life's about loving in a way where you give people your love and you accept the love they give you back, 

No Matter How Big Or Small That Love Is.