Melancholy Of Us

Epilogue

Epilogue

Naranasan mo na bang magmahal sa tao kahit na alam mong hindi kayo pwede?

Naranasan mo na bang biglang titibok ang puso mo sa t'wing nakikita mo ang taong nagustuhan at mahal mo? Of course, all of us can experience beating our heart for someone.

I loved a man I can't even touch. I loved a man who turned out to be dying, lying on a hospital bed for two years. Sinubukan kong turuan ang puso ko na tama na, hindi pwede 'to. Hindi kami pwede kahit na pinipilit ko ang sarili ko na maniwalang mabubuhay siya, na lalaban siya.

But it was too late. We're too late to tell him the truth. He left me. He left us. I feel like I was going to die too. My heart hurt so much that I think I'm really going to die.

Binuksan ko ang aking drawer, kinuha ang itim na album na punong-puno ng litrato ni Duke na binigay ni Cameron. The ghost that I love five years ago. The man who closed the eye that suffered me in my sixteen years of existence. My third eye.

I am not a special anymore. I can't see the semitransparent bodies of the ghost asking for my help to lead them to the light.

Naging espesyal raw ako sabi ni Mama dahil nakikita ko yung liwanag na kahit saan lang lilitaw at mawawala. Mom doesn't really have a mission. She asked Him if she can come back in the land of the living to look after me. 'Yon ang sabi ni Papa simula nang magising ako sa ospital.

Matapos kong mawalan ng malay sa rooftop kung saan nakita ko ang liwanag, ang lolo at lola niya at ang pamilya ko, 'tila nadala ng agos ng luha ko ang kakayahan kong makakita ng kaluluwa. I woke up lying on a hospital bed, found out that I've been sleeping for five months and that I have a new heart planted in me.

The heart donor was Duke. Nasa 'kin ang puso ni Duke. Cameron suggested and offered it to his dad. Naging mabilis ang operasyon kaya heto ako, buhay na buhay. I thought I'd really die with Duke that day on the rooftop.

I wiped away the tears that escaped from my eyes. Those memories, with him, is my favorite memory to reminisce. It was painful, indeed. But those memories that I will always keep will be remembered. Always.

Tumayo ako mula sa malambot kong kama at lumabas ng kwarto. Hugging the black album tightly around my arms, hot liquid kept on falling down to my face.

Duke...

It's been five years. Five long years but I still can't move on. I can't forget you. My heart won't forget you. Paano mo nagawang manatili sa isip at puso ko nang ganito katagal?

"Dee, you okay?" tanong ni Ate Ivonie habang karga-karga ang dalawang taong gulang na anak niya.

Ngumiti ako pinahid ang luha. 

"Yep. Naalala ko lang siya. Sorry."

"Come on, Dee. You have to move on. Duke won't like that. Sige ka."

Tumawa ako. Binuksan ko ang kotse sa likod at pinanood si Ate na buksan ang pinto sa kabila ng driver's seat, umupo at tiningnan ako sa rear view mirror.

One month after I got out of the hospital, I told Ate Ivonie about Duke. Binisita rin namin ang puntod ni Duke.

"You sure you're okay? Baka gusto mong sunduin ka namin mamaya after magsimba?"

Bumukas ang driver's seat at umupo dito si Clyde, ang asawa ni Ate Ivonie. I watch him buckle up his seat belt and start the engine. Matagal na naging sila ni Ate Ivonie. They got married last year after their baby's first birthday.

"No, Ate. Ayos lang talaga ako. Magtataxi nalang ako."

"I don't want you to just commute, Dee. Maraming dalaga ang nakidnap dahil lang sa pagcommute ng taxi. I don't want to see you on the news, raped and murdered."