Mind Games

Chapter 42 - Crystal

Crystal pinched the bridge of her nose.

The hatred she could feel through Amanda's journal was palpable.

I could see the bloody trails my fingernails had made down his back. I wish had talons. So I could gouge him to death.

He drugged me. He violated me. I can still feel it even though I don't remember it.

I hate him. I hate myself.

It was simple to piece together what had happened. Amanda's boyfriend cheated on her with her best friend. She was understandably angry. She went on a rampage of alcohol and drugs.

She met a man at a bar and in a drug fuelled stupor went home with him. Where he raped her.

Crystal sighed. What a mess.

She scrolled to the past.

It seemed obvious to Crystal that Amanda's boyfriend never did want to commit. He wanted her for a good time. And Amanda unconditionally gave it to him.

She knew there was a flaw in her. It was in her nature. Something she couldn't change. She was born without empathy. She tried to go against her true nature. Tried to be nice. But it wasn't real. It was play acting.

She wanted people to like her. But she knew they wouldn't, once they saw her true self.

So she put on her masks. Pretended to be caring when she really was indifferent, pretended to be happy when all she wanted to was curl into bed and cry.

But she loved this guy. And desperately wanted him to love her back. So she did everything he wanted. In bed and out of it. And then he left her for her best friend. The one friend she had thought she could trust.

Crystal cringed. Despite everything, she felt sad for this girl. Lonely and misunderstood.

She scrolled higher.

Her teenage years. Amanda struggling to fit in. Her frustration. Her anger. Her hate.

Crystal scrolled higher, looking for that one weak link in the chain of events. That link that would change everything that had happened.

Amanda's life was one bad choice after the other. And each choice fuelled the hate in her.

Until she scrolled back to one name - Joey.

Crystal paused and read.

Joey transfered to Amanda's school in 9th grade.

She had tripped as she was trying to rush from one class to the other. Joey helped her pick up her books. He walked her to class. Later he walked her home.

Over the next few months, Joey and Amanda became the best of friends. He understood her. Despite her anger, her mood swings.

He saw the witty humour behind her sharp tongue. He saw the caring side beyond her steely exterior. He was patient with her fury. And with him, Amanda was finally happy.

Until a speeding car rammed into him as he was cycling back home from school. And just like that, it all ended.

He was the only one who saw me for what I was and still loved me. My life can never be the same again. He's dead. And now, so am I.

Crystal leaned back. This was the inflection point. The point where Amanda's life spiralled out of control. This is where she could change it.

She selected the paragraph and all the text that followed until the end of the journal.

She paused for a moment, thinking what to do next.

Then she hit delete. And started typing....

He is the only one who sees me for what I am and still loves me. I can't let him go. I will visit him in the hospital every day. I will do what I can to cheer him up. I will never lose my temper on him again. He will get okay and he will stay in my life forever.

After 6 months...

Joey is finally back on his feet! We are going out for ice cream today. It's our first date :)

After 3 years...

It's our senior prom today! I'm sooo excited :D I've found the perfect gown. I'm sure Joey will love it!

After 5 years...

I'm going to be a psychologist in a few years. It's the best decision I could've taken. I will help people like me. The ones born with a personality disorder. So they understand themselves. They fix themselves. They learn to love themselves. Like I did. With Joey by my side.

After 10 years...

This is the happiest day of my life! Joey proposed!!! The sound of the waves crashing behind us... the starry skies above us... it was perfect! I will love him forever. And I know he will love me too ♡

Crystal flexed her aching fingers. It had been almost twelve hours since she had started typing.

She had weeded all the toxicity and planted a garden of flowers.

Now all that remained was to see if it worked.

She opened her chat with Sean and attached the document.

She took a deep breath. This was it.

She hit Send.