The Wonderful Tales of "Straight" Scott

Against Me!

Sean's POV
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What the hell just happened? My mind races as I lay still on the floor, watching him leave with some guy. Did Scott Lee Mathias just punch me?

"What the hell?!" I here Alex roar quietly in my ear, yanking me up. "Get up, you're embarrassing me!" She scowls. I quickly gather myself and do as she orders.

"Now you're going to go to the bathroom, and clean up this mess before anyone starts to notice," she growls, pointing to the exit.

I quickly turn frustrated and I'll admit, I did stomp my way to the bathroom. I swing the door open, looking if anyone else is in here, finding no one. I lock the door because I really don't want to see anyone right now.

I grab the paper towel and hold it under the warm water. I bring it up to my nose, wiping off all the blood. I notice my eyes filling with tears, but I'm not in pain. So why am I about to cry? Why is this happening? Why does he do this to me? This was supposed to make him feel worse, but it did the opposite. He's happy with some guy and I'm stuck in this pit if gloom.

What did he do to me? Everything was fine before I had to see him again. This is why I stopped being friends with him, because all I wanted to be was so much more.

A tear rolls down my cheek. God, if the guys could see me now. If they could see what I was thinking. If they even for a split second thought that I could be gay, I would probably be in the same place as Scott.

But is that so bad? My mind races. He's.... happy. I was given everything, popularity, my car, money, any girl I want, a place to fit in. Scott was given nothing, maybe worse. Beaten constantly, no one to care for him, no one to help him, no place. After all the obstacles thrown at him, he happily stands strong, and yet here I sit all broken-hearted with everything.

More tears stream as I think about what could make me happy... and it's him, Scott. All he's given me is happiness and acceptance and love, and what do I do in return? I throw it away, and for what? Popularity? A reputation? The things I've been so desperately clawing towards and reaching for don't even make make me happy, so why do I want them so bad?

No, that's it. I'm going to tell everyone. Not now, I don't think coming out in the middle of a crowd of homophobes is such a good idea.

I wipe away my tears, heading towards the exit. You know what? That felt good! To cry, I mean. To think about me and my feelings for a little bit makes me feel alright.

I enter the parking lot, when I begin to question myself, is this really worth it? ... of course it is, happiness and self-care is of utmost importance, and definitely worth it.

I shake those thoughts away and head towards my car. No looking back.

I start the engine, roll down my window, and think, what's a good song for this occasion? Ah, yes, the High School Musical soundtrack. I turn it up full blast as I sing to the top of my lungs.

"WE'RE BREAKING FREE!!" I shout out of tune as I drive away, but God dammit, I don't care. I'm feeling happy! Im feeling good! I should get myself some icecream.

I think about all the things I should do because I finally broke out of this rut, and that's when I see a sorrowful someone, knees to their chest and I can recognize that he's crying. It can't be him. I pull up to the curb, my mind stops being so God damn ecstatic and gets a little more serious.

"Scott?" I ask the figure from my window. He turns his head to me... it is him.

"Fuck off," he huffs spitefully, but I feel like he doesn't actually want me to go. So, I get out of the car and walk up to him, prepared for anything that might happen.

He flinches as I get closer, and a little bit of that happiness is crushed realizeling why he did so.

"Look, Scott, I'm not here to mess with you," I reassure him the best I can, "I already know what you're capable of," I say laughing and pointing to my black eye. Then I suddenly stop awkwardly, the streets becoming silent again.

"Can, I, um, can I come over tonight?" I hear him say, though, I don't know why. I'm so confused, I mean he just told me to "fuck off", and now all of the sudden he wants to have a slumber party? I mean, I'm not complaining!

"What? I mean, sure, uh, yeah, for sure," I say awkwardly. Fuck, what is happening?

We head towards my car, climbing in wondering what the fuck is happening still. I ask him what kind of music he wants to listen to, I mean, I don't have much... but then he does this.

"That's a, uh, cool photo," I hear him kinda laugh. Fuck fuck fuck. I try to just play it off and make him forget, quickly stuffing it into my pocket. I gotta put my one good picture of him somewhere more safe.

"By the way Sean, ah, Sean you know this is nothing, I mean, this is nothing, I'm just gonna crash and that's it," he says, really putting out the idea that this is absolutely "nothing". I mean, I don't expect to fuck him, just helping out a friend. Even if I have certain urges that I want to act upon said friend.

"I understand," I say, putting my hands up in defense trying to seem a little funny, but clearly that isn't working.

I find that Scott liked  the look of Against Me!, a band I've been ashamed of for adoring my whole life. He had never liked it before tonight, once he heard it, I knew he would be listening to them forever.

We managed to listen to the whole album, Transgender Dysphoria Blues. Of course, I had rounded the corner multiple times so we could just listen and just forget about everything for a while.

The album seemed to really hit him, because he had been crying, almost sobbing for a while. I didn't want to say anything to him, I just wanted him to have this time for himself. So, I had just lay my hand on his back, gently making circling patterns. I know this used to calm him down, so I hope it still does now

He sniffles in the cutests way, he seems so small, and gentle. Then, oh God, his head moves onto my shoulder softly. I lay my head on top of his while we listen to the last song in eachothers arms.

Fuck everything. This is what I want. I want him. He makes me so goddamn happy, and I shouldn't have to be ashamed of loving the one thing that brings me joy. I can't believe I was so fed up in popularity and reputation that I actually couldn't see what was actually good in my life.

So fuck everything else.

I hope Alex gets the memo

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Really though, you guys should listen to Against Me! Their album Transgender Dysphoria Blues is so sad and amazing, just please do it... if you want... but you should .