The Wonderful Tales of "Straight" Scott

one confusing night

Scott POV
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My mind races as I walk towards the door. The thought of his lips against mine, the warm air getting jealous of us, the fact that I know he planned to kiss me. Minty taste lurking around his mouth, ensuring I won't taste all the crap we ate at the party. And I won't even start on his soft feeling, yet calloused fingers holding my face.

I feel like I'm floating, of course. Because I'm falling, again. I survived when my body was crushed by the weight of gravity, I should've known about being careful around cliffs. I should not be falling... This chasm just looked so inviting.

I'm so goddamn emotional, I can't help but swoon about when I walk through the door, on my way to the stairs to dream about how he feels in the dark.

"Scott," I'm interrupted, by the judgmental voice, "or should I say faggot," a shiver runs down my back at the word coming out of his mouth.

"Nathan!" My mom snaps at him

"You heard the crowd Beth, Scott's a little faggot," oh, that one hurt a little... Wait, no, no it didn't.

"Now Nathan, you don't have to do that," my mom argues.

"Well that school is calling our son a fag! I will not stand for this," my dad proudly presents.

"That doesn't mean you should call him that!" Mom counters. And on, and on, and on. Back and forth. My dad is so flustered by the  fact that I dream about boys, and my mom doesn't seem to care about that anymore. And, honestly, I don't  know why. She used to be so judgemental, slapping me even... Now she's fine, out of the blue. Oh god, I can't stand it! All this screaming ignoring my thoughts. I just got back from having a very confusing night and now this! I can't deal with it! I just... Snap.

"I'm gay!" I yell, which is followed by a long silence.

"What did y-" He starts.

"I'm, uh, I'm gay, I like, you know, boys. And I'm definitely, uh, not dating Hope, because, well, she's gay too!" I hear my brothers turn off the TV and turn toward us.

"I've been living under this house of sin," my dad growls under his breath. Then goes excessive yelling, telling me I'm a sinner, I'm going to hell, and to "get the hell out of this house,"

I take no thought in his words, I  quickly run upstairs, my head aching from frustration and fear. I grab clothes by the bunch and throw them into a duffel bag, that we only got cause' we though I would get into sports. I grab my charger, earbuds, my pack of cigarettes, and a couple of favorite books. I begin to head out my door, when I spot something... The picture of me and Sean when we were kids.

"Fuck," I sigh, grabbing the frames photo and tossing it in my bag.

I head down the stairs seeing my mom sobbing and trying to tell my dad to stop, that he can't kick me out. When she spots me I'm being shoved back inside mediately, but I find the strength to push past her. I can't turn back, even when I hear my mom wailing at the door.

I pull my phone out, speed-walking down the street and trying to find Emmet's number. I begin to call him, when the screen goes black.

"Motherfucker!" I yell, stopping in my tracks. I drop my duffel bag, trying to keep my self together, yet to no avail. I fall to the ground, with tears beginning to stream down my overly-emotional face and I wonder what the hell I'm doing.

Everything finally comes crashing down into my brain, and it gives me such a headache. When Emmet kissed me I felt like maybe this was going to be okay... But it's not. Nothing is okay, ever. Everything always has to be so fucked up all the time, and I'm so sick of it. If I had just faked it, maybe look different, stopped swooning over boys... If I just wasn't me, that would be really nice right now. I would probably be at home, on the couch with my family, watching some football or hockey game.

My thoughts overcrowd my brain to the point, I can't even hear the motor of the car pulled up next to me.

"Scott?" I hear someone say. I jolt back out of my brain, surely unprepared to find out who was talking to me. I look over with my tear filled eyes, finding a blurred image of the boy I knew.

"Fuck off," I snarl. I am over him, I'm done.

I hear him opening the car door, hi footsteps approaching me. I push myself up, preparing to defend myself, or at least run away.

"Look, Scott, I'm not here to mess with you," he tries to reassure me, pointing at his black eye, "I already know what you're capable of," he sort of laughs nervously, before awkwardly becoming silent again. I don't really know what to do, I just say the first thing that comes to mind.

"Can I, um, can I come over tonight?" I ask, swallowing my insecurities and fear. What else can I do? If I sleep out here, I will be done for, I'm sure of it. I don't have much money, and no way am I sleeping in a church.

"What? I mean, sure, uh, yeah, for sure," he babbles, and it makes me pretty happy that he's being the nice nervous Sean again.

I hop in the passenger seat, and the first things I notice is a heart necklace hanging from rearview mirror. I can only assume it's for Alex, or maybe from Alex, at the very least, a collective decision between Sean and Alex.

"So what you up for listening to?" He asks after starting his car. He pulls down the sun shade revealing an array of CD's along with a picture of... Me.

"That's a, uh, cool photo," I slyly add as he's naming off all of his CD's.

"Oh! Um, yeah, it's nothing, I guess," he says, yanking it and stuffing it in his pocket.

I decide to think nothing of it... Nothing, that reminds me.

"By the way Sean, ah, Sean you know this is nothing, I mean, this is nothing, I'm just gonna crash and that's it," I explain.

"I understand" he says, throwing his hands up in defense.

We decide to listen to is some Against Me! Which I'm surprised he even owns.

We sit there in silence listening to Transgender Dysphoria Blues as we drive to his house. The house I haven't been to in a while, and honestly didn't expect to be at ever again.