A Touch of Wonder

Mint

I knew you weren't cold.
You were the Arctic on the outside,
But inside, you were mint.
I could taste it in your small smiles,
A warmness
That cradled me.
You were strange,
Beautifully strange.
Wearing down coats in the summer while standing in the rain,
Watching the puddles,
Tiptoeing in the snow.
You were always there.
And you
Made everything better for a little while.
Just a little while.
But it was enough for me.
Was it worth the guilt?
The crushing
Heavy
Guilt?
I didn't know what to do.
Didn't know what comfort was,
So I couldn't give you comfort, could I?
I couldn't give you the warmth you gave me.
I couldn't make you feel safe.
I'm sorry.
I could've stopped you, right?
I should've done something.
But I watched you topple off.
And I wish, every day, that I could go back,
Untwist the mess inside us both,
Make things better.
But I can't.
Time goes on,
And we all go with it.
And along with me, my guilt follows,
My regret is always lingering next to me.
I'm sorry.
I wish I could've saved you.
I should've known.
I miss you more than anything.
Sometimes, it gets too tough.
But I've been enduring
All this time
Because I want
To get better someday.
I want to be okay,
To feel the safety and security we were both looking for at the time.
The two things you never found,
That might exist.
I know it's greedy of me,
Evil of me
To want those feelings for myself.
But I'm tired of the torture.
I'm letting myself be selfish.
I'm sorry.

I'll never forget
The mint
That meant so much to me.