The Essence of Water

NEW VERSION Chapter 18

It's dark when I wake. My nose is numb and I'm shivering from the cold. I sit up and rub the stiffness from my neck. My fingers don't want to cooperate and my breath fogs the already frosted glass. "Aiden?" I say and reach out but the seat is empty. Aiden isn't here. The seat is cold to the touch and I wonder how long he's been gone. I unroll my jacket from behind my head and tug my shoes on. The night air fills my lungs and the snow pops under my feet like a bowl of cereal when I step out of the truck. Once I'm clear of the pine trees the snow glows brighter under the moon and stars pollute the black sky with light. I stare in amazement. I've never seen so many stars.

"What are you doing out here?" Aiden melts from the shadows. The collar of his leather jacket is popped up against the cold and the fur lining brushes against his growing beard. His hands are stuffed deep into his pockets. I watch his breath swirl out in clouds as he watches me.

"You were gone," I say quietly, feeling as though disturbing the night with my voice will shatter some spell. Everything is silent and frozen.

"I had to pee," he offers.

"Oh."

Aiden looks up at the stars. "They're beautiful, aren't they?" His eyes trail over the constellations. His glazed gaze reminds me of the motel room.

"Aiden, what happened to you back at the motel?" I ask.

He doesn't look away from the sky. His breath rises into the air. "Nothing," his voice is as cold as the night around us.

"Bullshit," I say low. He snaps his head down and looks at me. "I want answers. I'm not going to walk around on eggshells anymore. I want to know. Why the hell did you save my life? Why me?"

His hands fall out of his pockets. "Why can't you just trust me like you trust everyone else in this world? Why is it so damn hard for you accept the fact that I wanted to help?" he demands. It's the first time since we escaped that I've heard him this way. Even after every time I demanded he keep his distance or ignored him he never got upset, until now.

I take a sharp breath. "Because you're not like them, you aren't everyone else. You betrayed me. You betrayed yourself. You don't deserve my trust."

"Why don't I?" he challenges and takes a step forward. "You were betrayed long before I came around. You trusted a stranger who was your enemy and ended in your capture. Doug was a total stranger but you decided trust him. I've made plenty of mistakes and I'm sorry for that but I've done nothing help you since and you still don't trust me. Hell, you can barely even look at me. You know what I think? I think you're afraid to let go of your anger. I think you're afraid of what you might find when it's gone."

"You don't know anything," I spit. My hands are in fists and I'm shaking but I don't feel the cold. All I feel bubbling under my skin is rage and fear.

Fear? I'm surprised by the fear, but it's there. I feel it as I much as I feel the chill of the night. I've been so focused on getting to safe haven that I've ignored what's been right in front of me. I can't deny that Aiden is wrong. I am more than afraid. I'm terrified of what's happened and of what might come. I reek of it. When I don't say anything Aiden takes a step forward and continues.

"Fine, you want to know what changed. You want to know why I saved your life when I did nothing to help all the others that came before you." He steps forward again and grabs my shoulders. His eyes are alive and fierce and full of stars. "You changed," his voice breaks. "When all the rest disappeared and never woke again, you came back." His grip tightens on my shoulders. "It was you, Adie," he whispers. "You woke me up. You changed me."