and in the end, I'd do it all again [Moxiety]

Chapter 25 ~ It's Complicated

I enter the bedroom after a long shower, towel round my waist.  It's been a few days since the last one, I have zero motivation to shower anymore.  My phone vibrates on the nightstand, I rush over to it, hopefully picking it up to see a text from Logan.  I sigh and unlock my phone to read it.

How are you, man?

I'm glad he's being such a good friend.  He's been coming over a lot, cooking for me, shopping for me, making sure I'm sleeping and eating and showering.  Days that he doesn't come over he makes sure to text me.  I'm very grateful for him and his sympathy.  Good friends are hard to come by.

It's been 2 weeks, Lo.  What do you think?

I type back.  I chuck the phone down on the bed and walk over to the wardrobe, grabbing some clothes and underwear.  I pull the boxers and sweatpants on, rubbing my hair with a towel before pulling the comfy t shirt over my head.  I hear the phone vibrate on the bed, I sit down and pick it up.

I know it's difficult, Virge, I'll come over later, bring some movies.  It'll be fun!

I smile at the screen, I'll gladly take any distraction he can offer.

I'd like that :)

I reply to him quickly, and I head downstairs.  Two weeks.  Two weeks since my heart was broken.  Two weeks of trying to piece it back together.  Two weeks of failing. 

Logan talked to Roman last week, he'd told me about it the day after, saying how he thinks Roman's sorry and upset about what has happened.  I'm still not sure if I believe him.  He might have just been protecting my feelings, knowing I'd get closure from Roman's guilt.  But I want to believe him.  Once downstairs, I curl up on the couch and scroll through Instagram for a bit.  My heart jumps as I see that Patton has updated his story.  He's been pretty much absent since we-you know.  Logan has talked to him, I know that, so I know he's ok.  I've stopped asking Logan about Patton, he says it's unhealthy for me to keep asking what he's up to, how he's been, and he won't tell me anyway.  I would never ask questions that I know would hurt to hear the answers too.  I'd never ask if he's going out, meeting new people, if I've been replaced already.  My heart aches and my chest feels hollow at the mere thought of him moving on.  He changed his facebook status to it's complicated, which, although it killed me, at least gave me some comfort in the fact he doesn't identify as single.  I don't plan to move on, I don't plan on even thinking about it.  I've found my happiness, I know it lies with him, I can't lie to myself, I can't lie to the truth.  I immediately click on Patton's story, it's a simple black screen with some white writing, my heart breaks as my eyes scan the words.
"Losing the house tomorrow, anyone have a place I can stay?  Any help is much appreciated <3"
That's right.  He'd managed to keep his old house for a bit longer, but now he really had to move out.  He shouldn't be having to post that on his story, he should be here, with me.

After a little while I hear a knock at the door, I yell "Come in" and hear Logan walking through the hall. 
"Hey, buddy!"  He says with a smile, a bag of DVD's and snacks in his hand.  He sits down beside me, "How are we doing today?"  I roll my eyes, he's not my doctor, he's not a therapist, but he seems to get some joy out of pretending to be. 
"Ok, I guess, I feel a bit better" I lie.  I did this morning, but seeing Patton's story has dampened my mood again.  Logan must see it in my eyes.
"I'm assuming you saw Patton's story, then?"  He says with a frown.  I nod and turn my head to the ground.  "Yeah, me too, I offered for him to stay at my place, he hasn't replied.  I was thinking, maybe you should message, make a move, try and talk to him..?"  He says, sounding hopeful.  I wish I could, but I really don't know if I can, I don't know what he's thinking, what if he tells me to leave him alone?  To not message him and consider us over?  I push the horrific thought out of my head as I look back up at Logan.
"I don't know, Lo, probably not"  I shrug and shake my head.  He frowns.
"Listen, at some point, one of you is gonna have to do something, seriously.  This is getting ridiculous"
"Is it though?"  I rush out, he looks confused.  "I've hurt him, and myself, I've broken what we had, so maybe I deserve it, a life alone"
"No, Virgil, you don't, you shouldn't think that.  It was not at all as big a deal as you've made it, this is simply a first fight, it's just a bit of a shock.  He'll get over it."  I've heard it all before, but when it's been two weeks I don't know anymore.  I sigh, Logan gets up and puts on one of the DVD's he brought over. 

It ends up being a pleasant night, we watch movies, play video games and eat a lot of popcorn.  As Logan leaves, he turns to me in the doorway, smiling, "I know you're scared, Virgil, but one of you is going to have to do something to fix this, you two are crazy about eachother, it sucks to see it over so soon"  I return his smile and give him a grateful hug before closing the door behind him.  After Logan leaves, I go to my room, sit on the bed and pick up my phone.  Maybe Logan was right, maybe we're both overreacting, maybe we just don't know how to make the first move.  I sigh at myself, I can't believe I'm doing this.  I go to messages, then scroll til I see Patton, who's been named loml<3 in my contacts since we got together.  I type and retype a simple message multiple times before I'm happy, reading it once more.

Patton, I miss you.  I hope we can talk soon. Virge x

I sigh, feeling my hand shake as I press the send button.  I sigh again, putting the phone on the nightstand and falling back onto the bed.  Soon enough my eyelids grow heavy and I drift off to sleep.