and in the end, I'd do it all again [Moxiety]

Chapter 23 ~ And Broken Hearts

"Why didn't you tell me?  Immediately?"  He says angrily.  I'm still sat on the bathroom floor, sobbing into my arms.  I did it.  I told him.  He's mad.  I shiver on the floor as he towers above me.  I struggle to get words out.
"I-I thought, I don't know- I just, uh, was scared"  I stutter.  He shakes his head in what looks like disgust, turning his head away from me.  "I've told you now"  I say, almost pleadingly.
"You can't keep things like that from me, for any amount of time!  I know, Virgil, it didn't mean anything, it was all him... I know that!  This isn't what it's about... it's that you felt you had to hide it from me, I thought we trusted each other!"  I look at him desperately, tears falling down my face. 
"I- we - we do!" I plead.  He shakes his head as the first few tears slip out of his eyes.
"No, Virge, now... now I'm not so sure.  If you'd told me right away, things would be different, but I-I can't.."  and with that last line he leaves, half-slamming the bathroom door behind him.  I sob desperately.  That's it.  I've lost him.  We're over.  Fuck.  I don't swear normally, but right now I feel as if I have no other option.  The only coherent thought in my mind is fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.  What have I done?  What am I going to do?  I can hear him slamming around in the bedroom, and I quiet myself to try and figure out what he's doing.  When I manage to stop crying, I get up slowly and go to the bedroom.  He's shoving clothes into a suitcase.
"What are you doing?" I ask quietly from behind him.  He turns around and looks at me, his eyes are swollen and red.  "I'm sorry, I can't, I'm leaving"  He manages. 
"What?"  I say through the tears that have started forming again.
"I still have the house for a while, I'm going"  He says, zipping up the suitcase.  He keeps his eyes on the floor as he makes his way back across the room, as he tries to pass me in the doorway I stand in front of him, blocking his path.
"Patton, please, wait"   I whisper desperately.  He moves his eyes up to meet mine, but only for a second.  He puts a defensive hand against my chest.
"I don't want to look at you right now"  He says.  And with that, he pushes past me, goes down the stairs.  I stare at the floor, empty and lifeless as I hear the front door close.  He's gone.  I've lost him. That's it.  The tears have gone. Now there's just nothing.  I go back to the bedroom, collapsing back on the bed.  I can't think.  I can't feel.  There are no emotions left.  There are no thoughts running through my mind.  It's like I've hit a brick wall.  My senses aren't working.  The soaring in my ears gets louder, ringing into my empty brain.  I can't move.  I can't speak.  I can't even feel.  I close my eyes.

I wake up a little while later, it could have been seconds later, could've been hours.  The house is silent.  I stay completely still. The soaring has stopped.  But now there's pain.  I'm grateful for that.  Being able to feel something.  Sometimes you need a bit of pain to be sure you're still alive.  And that's ok.  My heart aches.  I'm mad.  At myself, at Roman and even at Patton.  It wasn't my fault, I didn't kiss back.   But Patton said that he thinks I feel the need to hide things from him.  So that's where I went wrong.  Not telling him soon enough.  Tears slip from my eyes, roll down my temples and into my ears.  I can't move.  My heart feels too heavy.  Holding me on my back on the bed.  The pain pricks my eyes, I cry silently.  I feel cold.  Then hot.  Then cold again.  Like my body doesn't quite know what to feel.  My brain doesn't either.

*please don't hate me*. Hope you enjoyed today!  Please let me know what you think ❤️