Voltron Shitpost Oneshots

Caffeine

Caffeine and sugar were a rare find in space. So, whenever possible, the paladins would always stop somewhere to get their hands on it. Shiro loved space coffee, while Hunk and Pidge lived for space candy. Keith liked soda, and Lance... just liked getting a sugar high.

The first time the other four paladins had witnessed his sugar high they had been scared for their safety. Lance was a lunatic when he had too much sugar, so naturally their first instinct when Lance ingested sugar was to hide. Except, of course, for whoever was in charge of "babysitting" during his sugar high.

"Paladins! Coran brought back your coffee and candy!" Allura announced over the intercom. That captured their attention. Whatever calm mood they were in before the announcement vanished. All of them raced out of their rooms and ran to where their Altean friends were.

Pidge and Hunk were testing a new system upgrade to the castle, so they were in the same room. Pidge was sat atop of Hunk's shoulders while he ran. Keith just tried to stay clear of Lance. Shiro was the only calm one, speed walking to avoid being taken out by Lance. Now, Lance was usually calm, but sugar made his personality do a 180. He ran through the paladins at inhuman speeds. It was like he had tunnel vision, and he only saw sugar.

"Lance! Don't kill Coran!" Shiro shouted after him in concern.

"He can't hear you anymore," Keith muttered.

"Onward noble steed! I want my Reese's!" Pidge shouted while holding the long ends of Hunk's headband like reigns. Hunk just smiled and let out a whinny. They raced on leaving Shiro and Keith behind.

"Ten bucks says Coran stays out for an hour," Keith muttered. Shiro turned to him with a competitive smile.

"Your on," Shiro said and they both shook on it.

"LANCE! IF YOU KNOCK CORAN OVER AGAIN YOUR CANDY GOES OUT TO SPACE!" Allura yelled. After that there was an inhuman shriek that could have shaken a whole planet.

"Fucking Lance needs to cool his shit," Keith muttered.

"Agreed, but watch the language. Otherwise Pidge will start swearing too, and that's the last thing we need," Shiro said. The two paladins continued to walk to Allura.

"Oh good, people with some authority," Allura said in exasperation.

"Why? Where did Lance go?" Shiro asked.

"Absolutely insane! He is a feral animal," Allura said pointing to the small opening in the wall.

"I'll get Hunk or Pidge to fix it," Shiro said.

"Get him sugar free shit just to fuck with him," Keith suggested.

"We might have to," Allura smiled.

"By the way. Keith, it's your turn to be Lance's caretaker," Shiro said with a smug smile.

"Excuse me?" Keith protested.

"You're the only one who hasn't," Shiro stated.

"Fine, but I get extra coffee next time," Keith muttered and walked to Lance's room.

Outside the door Keith could hear what sounded vaguely like Avril Lavigne's Girlfriend. Keith could also heard singing that was definitely not Avril. All he thought was a teen girl from 2007 managed to travel in the future and found her way to Lance's room. Keith opened the door to reveal Lance wearing a pink boa and purple star sunglasses.

"SHE'S LIKE SO WHATEVER! YOU COULD DO SO MUCH BETTER! I THINK WE SHOULD GET TOGETHER NOW!" Lance belted at the top of his lungs and no note was off key. Keith would've been impressed if Lance didn't have scary sugar strength. Lance opened his eyes and grabbed Keith by the wrist and pulled him toward him.