Excerpts From a Lonely Heart

Who I am

The blood drops from my heart slowly
Into a locked box
Pry it open, search it thoroughly
And just like everyone else
You will simply make out blocks
Of stereotypical simplicity
Out of who you think I am

Because you all say something different
And break down the particles of who I am
Into an indistinguishable fusion
Of words that mean nothing

I have lost myself within your talk
My mind fumbles as I try to comprehend yours
Maybe if I did I'd understand mine too

I am:
the unfolding reality beneath my poetry

insane; kisses, tongues and body sweat

repressed anger, accompanied by

secret bursts of inflicted hurt at myself

Hierarchically at the bottom when I ache to be at the top

a paradox of fairy-tale love and promiscuity

oblivious to constant, meaningless reassurances

constant echoes of death

and spurs of fleeting euphoria

fly away with reality's loathing

a calm sea inhabited by blood-thirsty sharks

a burning desire to destroy the world

and the chilling dread of not saving it.

An aching, driving urge to rule a top the highest mount on a throne

held back by my disabling panic

to scream out my authentic words-

ugly
distant
heartless

silently useless:

that's all you say I am?

Ironically, I can't disagree
However
Say it one more time
My clumsy string of words will save the world
And I will burn you down.