Draco Malfoy, Broken

Chapter 9 - Reprieve

I probably should have been doing this already, but...

***TRIGGER WARNING*** - for panic/anxiety attack and depravity. Sorry, I'll try to be more mindful.***

Potter listened quietly as Draco told him all that had happened at the Battle of Hogwarts. He didn't interrupt, though his eyes reacted sometimes. Potter near froze when Draco told him how Fred died. They thought it was a random chance. Draco went on, his voice low and rough, on how he saved Luna, then ran from Goyle and into the other Death Eater that Ron had saved him from. He told him about the giant, saving Ginny, hunting and trying to capture Goyle. He held it together until he got to the part when he was reunited with his mother.

"She-She just hugged me and a-asked me if I.. if I was okay..." Draco said, tears welling in his eyes. His mother had bruises and cuts on her body, like his father did. He didn't want to know what they did to her. "I t-told her... t-that we... that we were f-free. But I was w-wrong... wasn't I? They d-didn't even w-wait...."

He couldn't even finish, he broke down, sobbing uncontrollably. His arms would not stop shaking. He hated being so weak, but he had no pride anymore. They all had stripped him of everything. Vance, Voldemort, his father, his aunt and all the other Death Eaters had ripped out every bit of his strength. He brought his head down to his chest, he started to hyperventilate. It wasn't the first time he had an attack, but usually he was alone.

Potter grabbed his hand and Draco recoiled, bringing his head up and trying to pull his hand away. Potter tightened his grip and wouldn't let go. Draco was in no condition to wrest it away from him. He just kept trying to pull it away, but Harry didn't release his hand.

"It's okay... you're going to be okay, Mal-Draco," Potter said, his green eyes looking right at him. His calm, warm presence was soothing. Draco felt his heart slow down. "Breathe, Draco."

He tried. In and out... in and out. It took near 5 minutes before it went back to a somewhat normal rhythm. He tried to pull his hand away the whole time. He managed to get his thumb free, but Potter held on. Draco thought if he had really resisted, Potter would have let go, but both of them knew he needed the connection after being alone for so long. Draco finally stopped tugging and his unsteady hand gripped Potter's. He took a deep breath and then another. The panic slowly subsided. He breathed in slowly and when he was ready, he met Potter's compassionate eyes, again.

"Are you... better?" he asked, deciding that "okay" was a little too much to ask of him. Draco nodded. But it wasn't enough for Potter. He didn't let go.

"I'm better... thank you," Draco muttered and Potter loosened his grip.

Draco missed the connection already. He brought his trembling hand to his chest. He knew the tremors would stop eventually. They were a side effect of too many Crucios. He looked up at Potter. He could see pity in his eyes. Draco hated it.

"I'd understand... if you wanted to leave me here..." Draco said, continuing like nothing had happened. "I want you to know everything that happened... I didn't want to hide anything."

"You're serious? You really think I'd leave you here?" Potter said, amazed and mad at the same time.

"Weasley was your friend."

"He was my family, but you didn't kill him."

"I could've stopped it. If I had but picked up the wand first or knocked it out of Goyle's hand."

"Do you know how many people I would have saved if I had done something different, Malfoy? My godfather? Cedric? You know I asked him to take the Triwizard Cup with me? They both were killed for no reason other than I screwed up!" Potter yelled. Draco cowered from his tone and Potter backed off. "Sorry... it's just... it wasn't your fault, Draco."