Draco Malfoy, Broken

Chapter 69 - The Last Time, Part 1

Chapter 69 – The Last Time, Part 1

Published – April 6, 2020

RIP my puppy, who passed away two weeks ago. I miss him so much. He might not have been an official therapy dog, but I always felt better when I hugged him. He was the most well-behaved dog, ever and would sit at the table without lunging for food. He just wanted pets. Sorry, I make it sad first off, especially with the ominous name of the chapter, but I need to share my grief. Two weeks hasn't dulled the pain at all.

Theo held onto Daphne as she slept. He was worried about her. She refused to go to Madam Pomfrey because she felt fine right after she threw up, which wasn't very often. She wasn't concerned by it and he didn't know how to convince her to go. Arguing with people wasn't something he did. It only led to more talking and conversations. He hated conversations and even more when the words were heated. People only want to argue their point until they win and they will get frustrated if they can't. Don't get into arguments, his father had told him.

Theo couldn't deny that he had been questioning his father's rules recently. Blaise and Daphne said that his father wasn't always right... but he had survived so far. He wasn't sure who he should listen. But he couldn't deny the mounting fear that he was feeling and couldn't follow his father's instructions to bury his emotions. He couldn't control them anymore. Despite mentally chanting "Control it or it will control you", he couldn't stop thinking about the thoughts on the other side of the wall. The cracks were starting to show and widen. It was only a matter of time. He knew it, and Blaise and Draco probably did, too.

But they didn't say anything, and he couldn't broach the subject. His father told him to never tell anyone. If you talk about it, it will only make it worse. Hide it. Keep it inside and survive, son, he said. Theo listened. His father had kept him going, after all, and Theo didn't want to get lost, again. He didn't want to be sent to the locked ward at St. Mungo's. That fear terrified him. Minimal interactions, potion-induced serenity, and trapped... trapped in a small room with others like him. Alone. He didn't want to leave Daphne... and Blaise and Draco.

Tears came down his cheek and he breathed in and out slowly. He forced down the panic that starting to well inside him. Don't show your pain. He forced his heart to slow down and stopped the tears quickly. Stop the feelings the moment they start. Theo couldn't lose control, now. Daphne needed sleep, no matter how much he wanted her to wake up and... calm him down. Theo had to fight back another wave of emotions. Fear, hopelessness, pain, guilt, love, and sorrow. It felt like his subconscious was screaming, but there was no letting it out. If you let it out again, you'll never come back. His father was right. If the levee in his mind broke... it was over. It would be beyond repair.

Theo just held onto her, trying everything in his power not to wake her. She would ask. She would try to get him to talk. But it wasn't allowed. It wasn't safe and he wasn't supposed to. Never tell them. They are your friends, but they are also your worst enemies. They will poke and prod. They will break your control if you let them get too close and you will feel it, again. You should not have friends, Theo. They will dig into your past and destroy you, his father warned him.

But they didn't. Draco and Blaise left my memories alone, he argued with his father's voice. They had even helped me when Voldemort killed yo-No! Don't think it! He tried to shut it down... stop the thoughts... the memory. He didn't want to go back and see it, again. Control it. Don't feel anything. He struggled again to rein in the errant thoughts. Control... you must have control if you are going to get through this, Theo. Don't let your emotions control you. You control them. His father's voice urged him.

He struggled this time. It was so hard when there was no one else. He would have never survived the summer without Blaise's constant intervention. Blaise always knew when he was really hurting. He also woke up at the smallest signs that he needed some assistance. He just needed that human interaction to pull him out of his mind. But Daphne was not a light sleeper like him, and he was sometimes glad for it. He didn't want her to lose sleep, because his control was slipping.