I was sitting with Daryl on the couch in the house we shared. My head was resting on his shoulder and my legs were curled up beneath me. I was reading a book and he was watching me read. He was trying his best to be there for me and I knew how guilty he felt. I forgave him, I told him I did. I know he believed me but he couldn't help how he felt like an asshole for causing this.
"You know it's okay, right? Nothing is your fault. We all know Abraham, once his mind is set on something, he does it, there's no stopping him." I put my hand on his thigh and looked up at him. "I know you think I'm mad at you, even if I told you I'm not. I don't know how long you're going to hang your head down but just know it's okay." He wasn't looking at me. I closed my book that was still open on my lap and made him face me. I kissed him gently. "It's okay."
"I can't forgive myself. Knowing I was there and didn't do anything to stop it." He said. He was so beat up over this.
"I don't want to talk about it anymore." I told him. I give up. I can't make him change how he feels about the situation. He nodded, knowing to not press it. "I want you to know tomorrow, when I go back to my dad. If I'm not back for a few days, please don't come looking for me. I don't know how my dad feels about you guys yet."
"I can't help but worry about you." He admitted.
"I know, but this is something I need to do alone." At that moment there was a knock on the door.
"Abraham is back." Rick said, standing on the other side. All of my anger flooded back to me. I thought I was okay until I remembered I still needed to talk to him. "Rowan, go easy on him, remember he didn't know. You even said it yourself." Rick called after me. I heard someone walking up behind me, knowing it was Daryl, so I started to run. Daryl wasn't going to stop me. Abraham and Glenn were walking through the gates. I lunged at Abraham, unfortunately, he's a big man and he wasn't going to easily be hurt from me.
"You killed my mom." I said, furiously. His eyes widened, realizing what was happening. "How could you? You killed my fucking mom! You didn't even have to. She wasn't a threat. She was scared of my dad and now you fucking killed her! Just to show what? That you have some power over my dad's people? Think again. You killed the wrong person. If my dad comes back for you, there will be no mercy on you. And I'll get to watch you die." I snarled. Daryl grabbed me back from him as I continued to lash out. Deep down, I knew I didn't need to be saying all of this and I don't know where it was coming from. But it needed to be said. At this point, a crowd was nearing, and everyone knew what happened.
"Rowan, I'm sure you heard it before but let me explain. You know we didn't know it was your mom and Negan was your dad. If you think about it, maybe if this never happened, you never would have been reunited with your dad and brother. I'm sorry. If Negan decides to come after me, then so be it." Abraham defended.
"If this never happened?" I screamed. "Did you just try to tell me that if you wouldn't have killed my mom I wouldn't have met my dad and brother? You asshole!" I tried to lunge at him again but Daryl's grip was too tight.
"You need to come with me." Daryl snapped. "You aren't thinking straight, come on." He pulled me back to our house. I didn't break eye contact with Abraham. Daryl dragged me in our house and slammed the door. "What the hell was that? You didn't need to attack him, he knew he did wrong. He even said if Negan came after him then he'd be fine with that. Does that not tell you he's sorry? Abe would be happy dying because he knows he did wrong. I know you want him dead but you can't be lashing out at people like that. Good way to get yourself kicked out." Daryl yelled. I just huffed, I knew he was right. I was defeated. I started to cry again. The tears couldn't stay back, they just kept on coming. Daryl sighed and held me tight. He pulled me around his waist and carried me upstairs to our bedroom.
"You were right." I muffled into his chest.
"I shouldn't have yelled at you like I did. I know you're hurting. It's just how you grieve." He was right. I had the tendency of lashing out and getting defensive when I was upset. I just needed to learn to keep my mouth shut.
