Harry Potter Oneshots

fifty-the prophet

ship: there ain't one, just harry and his family. well, i guess there's technically luna/harry, but it's not about them

prompt: I was writing a different fanfiction and thought of this 🤷🏼‍♀️

category(?): fluff? funny (hopefully lol)

warning/tags: different characters than canon, prophet is stupid, cursing

notes: i like this one, a lot, actually. i wish I'd been able to really show their characters, but im still happy with it.

words: 794

Harry Potter To Expect Grandchild From Disrespectful Slytherin Son! (read more on page four)

Korbin Potter [pictured in photograph second right] is seen disrespectfully rolling his piercing eyes while posing with family. Perhaps he is finally annoyed with his predominately Gryffindor family? Is he against Muggles, following in the footsteps of the very man his father died to defeat, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named? It seems so! His girlfriend, a fellow Slytherin of his class, fell pregnant a few weeks ago; will the child be safe? Perhaps Harry Potter will raise the child far away from his Slytherin son. [read more on page four]

Harry Potter's youngest daughter, Kassandra Potter, is wearing a modest blue and brown dress that barely covers her feet, and a tiara from the Potter vaults, the most appropriately dressed of them all. Harry Potter's twin girls -- both already thirty! -- Kassandra and Kamille, are wearing rather provocative dresses in red and gold, and blue and white respectively. Kamille had the audacity to pose barefoot! Korbin looks very dangerous in his maroon and green tunic and dark blue bottoms. Luna Potter -- writer in the Quibbler -- wore her ridiculously long hair down, which Harry Potter took the chance to stick a rose in, very romantic. She was barefoot like Kamille, and wore a dark brown and white dress.

Harry Potter recently cut his hair to above his chin, and it was left down for the photograph. He refrained from wearing his glasses claiming "I guess I just didn't want to wear them. I'm wearing contacts-why do you care?" Harry Potter hasn't shaved his beard, and the readers want to know: Is he trying to grow his beard like Albus Dumbledore, his former Headmaster and good friend?

"Um, no? I just don't feel like shaving it off." Harry Potter said, before turning to hug his daughter. Quite the family man!

-

Harry threw the paper onto the table with a disgusted scoff, startling Kassandra. "Sorry Kass."

Said girl shrugged. "It's okay, Dad."

Luna peered up from her breakfast with a curious face. "Harry, Love, what's wrong?"

"Damn idiots at the Prophet again." he sighed. "I'm tired of them. You'd think after fifty years they'd stop. Fifty years! Good god, I'm old."

Kassandra laughed. "Oh, Dad, you're not old. The Prophet is stupid, though. They called Katherine Kassandra again. And apparently I'm the only appropriately dressed one. Hah!"

Luna was smiling as she too made fun of the paper. "Oh my, we had the 'audacity to pose barefoot' the horror!"

Harry grinned too. "I admit parts of it are funny, like, the bit about my beard. It's a damn beard, honestly."

Luna touched it with her free hand. "I quite like it, actually."

"It's very soft." Kassandra added. "I do wish they didn't talk about Kor like this, though." The usually smiling girl frowned, and Harry nodded, piling another sausage on her plate. "I hate it too, Love. But Korbin told me not to get involved again."

"He'd feel awful if you got another one fired." Luna agreed.

Suddenly their fireplace lit up and Hermione was in their kitchen.

"Hermione," Harry stood, and kissed her cheek. "what do we owe the pleasure?"

"Drop the pleasantries, I'm mad." She told him simply, and he laughed.

"Toast, Aunt Hermione?" Kassandra asked.

"No thank you Dear." Hermione hugged her niece before turning to Harry. "Will you help me get someone fired?"

Harry held in a laugh, something Luna didn't bother doing. "We were just talking about that."

"Who, Hermione?"

Hermione smiled in an unkind way. "Willie Mitchell."

"What did um, Willie, do?" Harry asked with a sigh.

Hermione picked up the paper and handed it to him.

"I already saw, but-"

"Page four." Hermione demanded.

"Hermione, I don't want to hear how my son's the next dark lord. Can't be good for my health."

She stared at him before snatching it back. "Basically they're saying that uh," she looked at Kassandra here. "Korbin did research on Voldemort and in his teenage rebellion made it his mission to be opposite of you, whom he apparently hates. And he's slowly slipping Kassandra potions to make her a puppet to him."

"And opposite of Dad equals Voldemort, That's bloody stupid." Kassandra rolled her eyes. "Honestly, he was rolling his eyes at the reporter flirting with him."

Kassandra stood. "Well, I say next photograph we all give them a 'rude gesture' and see if even then they can't get the darn point. See you guys, I'm meeting Ellie."

"Goodbye Love!" Luna and Harry called.

Hermione grinned. "Let's start planning. If it comes to it, you can just threaten to go into hiding and they'll all do as you say."

Harry shook his head. "What would first year Hermione Granger say?"