My Grade 10 (S.Y. 2018-2019)

3

September 6, 2018

This morning I was a little bit late, maybe I was almost late. I came to school 7:55am, wonderful right? My father even scolded me when he was driving me to school but I didn't mind that because I wear earphones like always. Before I got off from the car, he told me that I should walk back home, I just nodded then walked up to my classroom.

It was just a normal day, I kept looking at the time because I was hoping he'll attend school today but I was down that moment so I stopped hoping that he'll come today. Since that he was absent yesterday but we even chat before that day so I thought he'll come to school today. I look like a demanding girlfriend here without letting me know what he's boyfriend up to but I'm not.

I think it was 8:30 when the door suddenly opened and it was him. How do I know? I didn't look though. Just an instinct and besides I heard Eane.

I took a glance at the back and saw him walking towards here, my direction. I thought it was something but he just asked for glue and scissors.

Something has happened today though. It was a conversation. During break time, he sat beside me since it was vacant in the first place but that time, my head is laying down although I felt his presence beside me, I secretly smiled because of that.

Next is, he holds my hand that was relaxing. He continues holding it as he starts asking.
"Are you going to sleep?" I shook my head so I thought he saw it.
"Are you going to sleep?" He repeated.
"No." I replied.
"Then why are you being like that?" He asked again.
"Because of the thunder. I heard the noise of it earlier when I was downstairs, near the hallway." I answered. He just nodded.

I don't know why but I felt excitement whenever he holds my hand. I mean he holds my friend's hands too, like Bianca but I just don't know what the reason what I'm feeling right now. I know his feelings already but mine, it's still unsettled because of my first love. I was already falling for him but whenever I don't see him. Jayson is in my sight. He's always there. He notices me too. I was always happy whenever I got to talk to him or have fun talks with him every single day.

I hope I'll forget my feelings about Jayson but not the times when we were together. Memories never fades away, they stays in our hearts always. No matter what you try to erase it in your brain. I just want to be his buddy again, his best friend again, his close friend, or anything just like that. Yes, I may not be able to forget them but even if Jayson is always there. I always thought of him, Aaron, and I don't know why.

While the other one, Aaron, he's always absent. Not that always but there are times that he won't come to school and he never told me an honest answer why he's absent before. And that irritates me. Yes, I'm falling for this person but he also annoys me, too much. I end up punching him hard, kicking him sometimes, and hitting him real hard than I ever hit someone before. What kind of a person am I? Here I am, falling for guy that always uses sweet words and gentle actions on me and it makes me feel special every single time.

It was already end of the school, mean time to go home. Our last subject is Mathematics. Our teacher told us that cleaners will stay and clean the room. I was one of the cleaners, Aaron waited a bit then came towards me as I was sweeping the floor.
"I'll go now." He said. I was a bit sad but pretend to be fine.
"Yeah, sure." I agreed. He was walking away.
"Don't I have a hug?" I asked in a loud voice, I don't care if my classmates are still here. He ignored me.
"Where's my hug?" I, again complained. He walked towards me then gave me a hug. I feel bad. It feels like that he was forced to do it. Maybe next time, I shouldn't ask for it anymore.
"Wow. It's obviously that he was forced to do it." My classmate said, Danniel. He finally went out and go. I saw him walks out of the gate with his friends as I was taking the stairs.

I saw Bianca on my way to the gate.
"You're going to walk today?" She asked as I just nodded then hugged her before I left. As I walk away, I wave my hand goodbye to her. Now this is how it feels to walk alone.

I was walking as I saw Jayson ahead of me and some couple of my friends. He was with Cogie and a boy. I wanted to fasten my pace at walking and wanted to catch up with them but I just thought that maybe it's not for the best right?

They stopped at the senior high school department as I was already walked pass them but Jayson made me stopped.
"You're walking alone, K?" He asked.
"Yeah, Eane was accompanied earlier." I replied.
"Where's them?" He asked me as I frowned. I don't know what he's talking about.
"Aaron?" I asked as if I was guessing but he was just silent.

I was about to walk that he grabs my arm, that made me pull to him a bit then gave him a questioning look. He slides his hand on my hand, he end up holding my hand for couple of seconds while he was staring at me. I was kind of happy and excited but it's not the same anymore unlike before that I even cried for this person. There's nothing going to change. I know that already.

At that moment, I was hoping that it would end sooner.
"Should I accompany you home?" He asked. I shook my head.
"No need." I replied as he lets go of my hand.

I wish that Aaron was the one who's asking that. I would be rather so much happier but I know he still has his own business that I know I can't interrupt to it like his gaming. It's not that I'm jealous but I just don't want him to feel caged. I wish I can tell him "please walk me home today..." but I can't. That sucks.