to him ••• yoonmin

more than a feeling

Yoongi-
I don't know where it comes from. I guess Hoseok just has a solid weed guy. Whenever you need a quick high, Hoseok has weed. I don't know how He pats for it. I don't know where he gets it. He just has it. It's one of my favorite things about him.
I light a joint. Hoseok and Taehyung are smoking their owns. I just rolled mine. It's a pretty big one. I guess I just need it for a while. Taehyung gets very giggly and happy. Hoseok gets touchy, more than he was. His hands are all up Tae's body. I just slowly sink into the couch more. I seem to get more into my thoughts.
I think of why I am here. I felt stressed and confused. About what, I don't know. I just feel myself having confusion. I think I want to blame Jimin. That bratty kid with thick lips and beautiful ass. Why is he him? Sometimes he can be decent to be around, other times I can't stand him. Why is he like that?
"Taehyung," I say.
He looks at me. "Yeah." Hoseok kisses his shoulder.
"What's up with Jimin?" I ask.
His eyebrows furrow. "What do you mean?"
I blow out a puff of smoke. "Why is he a bitch? Like he's not all the time. Sometimes he's cool, other times he makes me want to tie him to a tree and leave him there."
"Ha, leaf him with the tree," Hoseok mumbles.
Taehyung stares at me for a few seconds. "He doesn't want to let his guard down. He's scared to get hurt again."
"Again?"
He sighs. "There's a lot of things wrong with him. His parents practically ignore him. Why do you think he strives to be the best. Deep down he hopes that it'll catch their attention and they'll be proud of him. But he also has a lot of anxiety. Especially with larger crowds. He had a boyfriend who basically made him scared to be loved."
"He had a boyfriend. What happened? Who was it?" I ask.
"His names was Joshua. Jimin met him at a dance thing when we were freshman. Jimin was really naive and friendly then. He fell for Joshua quickly, and Joshua let him. They dated for a long time. But Joshua was controlling. He fed Jimin lies, just so Jimin didn't leave him. He convinced Jimin that the world is is enemy. I don't know if he was ever physically abusive, but he was definitely emotionally and mentally."
"Oh my god," I say. "He was abused."
"That's why Jimin is a bitch. He's scared to let people close to him again. He doesn't want to be like that again. He almost blocked me out of his life. Luckily, I told him that I'll never leave and I'll always be there to annoy him," he smiles. "But you can't tell Jimin I told you. He'll get made at me."
I stay quiet for a bit. He was hurt. His guy hurt him. Jimin is scared to get close to people because he's afraid they'll hurt him, or reject him like his parents. "Where's Joshua now?" I ask.
Taehyung shrugs. "They broke up the end of last year. He still goes to his school. I bet he's still dancing. He's probably perfectly fine. It's Jimin that has to rebuild himself."
"How'd they break up?" I ask.
"Jin and I forced him to. Joshua told Jimin that he was worthless and that he didn't deserve to date Joshua. He almost convinced Jimin to kill himself," Taehyung says. "He didn't show up to school for two days so Jin and I broke into his room. He had been crying and contemplating killing himself. Jin took him to his house and we made him feel loved. We told him the truth. We love him, he's so perfect, and Joshua is lying about everything. He made him break up with Joshua and that was that."
I stare at him. "That's terrible. How could someone do that? Try to get you to kill yourself?"
"Some people are bad," Hoseok says. "We just have to help Jimin remember how wonderful he is." He kisses Taehyung's hair. "You excited for your showcase tomorrow?"
Taehyung smiles, seemingly forgetting about the Jimin thing. "Of course. It's going to be amazing."
I finish my blunt. "I think I'm going to head home. I need to sleep so I can try Jimin to the showcase tomorrow." I stand up and collect my things.
"Hey Yoongi," Taehyung calls. "Don't be afraid to fall for Jimin. He may be hurt but he needs someone like you to fix the part I can't."
I swallow. "Okay."
•••
I'm not sure which house is Jimin's. All of them are basically the same. So I park it in from of the house I dropped him off last time. I start honking my horn. It's ten o'clock in the morning. Everyone should be up already. A door opens from across the street. Jimin comes out. He looks like a prince. He's wearing black trousers and a nice white shirt. I stop honking.
"Hey, ready?" I ask. He nods. He gets in the passenger. "Okay, it's only a half hour drive. Yay. Bonding time." I put in my mix cassette.
"Do you play cassettes?" Jimin asks.
I nod. "I only listen to good music."
"Sixties?" He asks excitedly. The tape starts.
"Nope. Seventies and eighties," I say,
He pouts. "I guess it's better than trash."
I hum and sing along to the songs that play. Jimin nods along to some of the songs he must know. It's mostly silence. I can't look at him the same after what Taehyung told me. And the last thing he said. 'Don't be afraid to fall for Jimin. He may be hurt but he needs someone like you to fix the part I can't'. I don't like Jimin like that. Not at all.
"Yoongi, I have to go to the toilets," Jimin says. He looks at me. He looks like a helpless kid.
I nod. "Yeah, Okay." I pull up to the closest gas station. We both get out. He goes to the bathroom and I buy food and some water. I get a sack and wait for him in the car. He comes out, tucking in his shirt. His figure is perfect. It's an actual dream. He gets in the car.
"Okay, let's go," he says.
We keep driving. Jimin talks about Taehyung's art. He says that Taehyung parents and siblings will be there. His friend Jin will be there. I learn that Jin is like an older brother, not a boyfriend. Soon we are in the crowded parking lot. Once we park, we go in.
"I'll text Jin and ask where they are," Jimin says. "Let's looks around until we have an answer."
All of the art is beautiful. There's all kinds. Abstract, realistic, sketches, portraits, and all kinds of drawings. There's paintings. There's photography. Jimin points at multiple different pieces and compliments to artist. When he get a text, we walk through and find Taehyung, Jin, and Hoseok.
Jimin hugs Jin. Then Taehyung. He compliments both of their looks. Then he looks at the art Taehyung's brought. "Tae..." I look where Jimin is looking. It's a photo. Jimin is in leggings and a loose black shirt. He's in a spin, and Taehyung caught it right the right moment. He looks calm, but passionate.
"Why didn't you tell me you were using it?" Jimin asks.
"It was so beautiful. I couldn't help it," Taehyung says. "I figured it would be a nice surprise."
Jimin smiles. "It's amazing." He looks through the others. He gives compliments and woes. "Now, where's my baby Taemin?"
Taehyung laughs. "He's with Namjoon and Jungkook."
Jimin pouts. "Why would they take my son?"
"He's very easy to love," Hoseok says. "Oh there they are." He points in the crowd. Namjoon and my cousin are coming with a child walking with them. He kid sees Jimin and runs towards him.
Jimin picks him up. "How's my wonderful boy?"
"I'm great! Tae Tae, people are going to judging soon," the little boy says.
"Thank you," Taehyung says. "It's time for awards."
We all go to a seat. Taehyung has to sit in the front since he's an artist. But we're joined by the rest of Taehyung's family. Jimin has Taemin on his lap. He looks like such a great father. The kid looks like he loves him so much.
Taehyung is in three categories. New Artist, Young Artist, and Master Photography. He gets seventh in New Artist. He gets fourth in Young Artist. In Master Photography, he gets second. We all cheer loudly. Taehyung blushes when he gets the award.
I lean over to Jimin. "Maybe you should model more for him," I say.
He blushes. "W-Well I am model material."
He's trying to cover up how self conscious he is with pretending to be the opposite.
When it's done, we congratulate Taehyung on his awards. Hoseok and Tae go out for dinner. Jungkook and Namjoon decide to have a night at Namjoon's house. Jin leaves to go to his night shift at whatever gas station he works at. Jimin and I retreat back to my car.
I start to drive. It's been pretty quiet. "So, would you want to hang out?" I ask. "Since everyone else is busy. Maybe we could watch a movie at my house," I suggest.
Jimin smiles slightly. "I get I'm cute and all, but you're not my type." He giggles. "I guess I'll go on this stay at home date with you, Yoongi." He pats my cheek.
"Hey, I never said date. And don't think I like you like that. I don't want your hopes getting up," I say.
He smiles. It feels fake. "Who couldn't like me?"
"You're cute and all, but your not my type," I throw back at him.
He pretends to be offended. "Not your type? But I'm so great!"
"Well, maybe I like tall, buff guys," I say. It's a lie. Jimin would be my type if I had one. Small, cute, pretty smile, flexible. He's not too skinny, he has a nice ass and thighs. His lips are perfect. I would die for a boy like him. If only he wasn't so fake and bratty.
"Yoongi the twink. I knew it," he says. "But yeah, I'll watch a movie. But I'm staying over."
"Deal." I smile and speed up slightly.