to him ••• yoonmin

livin' thing

Yoongi-
I don't think I've ever been so concerned for someone. Sure, I worry about Hoseok's mental state, but that's mostly because he does very questionable things. I worry about Jungkook, but in a brotherly way. I worry about Jimin so much.
The fight with Taehyung and him showing up with hickeys. I know that his friend Jin gave them to him. He told me. I can't believe I actually feel jealous! Of his best friend! His best friend who gives him hickeys and god knows what else.
Namjoon hits my arm. "If you glare at that cup too long, it might melt," Namjoon says. Hoseok laughs.
It's just the three of us. Boys night in. Even though everyone we hang out with are boys. I guess we just decided to hang out like old days. Namjoon's cold ass bedroom with a ton of weed to smoke. Music playing loudly through his speakers. Hoseok is usually loud and laying on the ground. Namjoon gets deep into logic while sitting in the stupid recliner that we stole from a Home Depot. I either stay quiet and listen to the two, almost asleep on the bed.
"What's on your mind?" Namjoon asks.
"Jimin."
They both look at me surprised. I guess they didn't expect me to actually answer. Or answer honestly at least. I supposed I usually just ignore the questions thy ask. It would be odd. Why did I answer?
"Oh Jimin?" Hoseok asks. "I'm so glad Tae and him made up. Taehyung wouldn't stop pouting."
"Why are you think about him?" Namjoon asks.
I shrug. "Do you know Jin?" I ask.
"We met him at the showcase," Namjoon says.
"No, like more than that," I say.
Hoseok raises his hand. "Taehyung talks about him a lot. When they got in a fight, I took him to the bathroom to calm him down. He said something about Jimin going to Jin's. He seems like they're all close."
"He gave Jimin hickeys. And probably did more," I say. "What if he took advantage of Jimin in his vulnerable state? He's just a kid."
Hoseok shakes his head. "Taehyung said Jimin always goes to Jin when he's upset. It's probably just a coping method he uses," he says. "Plus Jin didn't seem to like him like that."
I huff. "It's just weird."
"Why, because you wanted to be the one to comfort him? Because you want to be the one to leave the marks?" Namjoon asks.
I glare at him. "No. That's not it."
"Then What is?" Namjoon asks.
I sigh and shrug.
"Yoongi, you have to admit to your feelings before anyone will admit their feelings to you," Hoseok says.
"I don't have feelings," I mumble. I take a hit of a joint.
Namjoon laughs. "Please. You like Jimin so much. It's pathetic to watch."
I frown. "It's not. Jimin is too good. I don't deserve him."
"You do, but no one knows it yet," Namjoon says.
"His show is tomorrow," I say. "I'll bring him flowers."
"That's good," Hoseok says. "Get him black ones. That would be nice."
I nod. "I know. I will." I lean back. Tomorrow. I'll tell him what I can. Jesus I'm going to die.
•••
Driving with four dimwits to Jimin's performance is bad. When two of them are making out in the back, another one is complaining about baking shoved against the window, and my best friend is singing loudly to songs about fucking whores it makes it ten time worse.
Jungkook screams. "Don't make me sit between you!" He groans. "Yoongi!"
"We're five minutes away. Just hang on," I say. "Hoseok, get off of him!"
Namjoon starts singing some song about probably ass and dicks, featuring Nicki Minaj. I drive a little faster. I get there in two minutes. Jungkook gets out as soon as I park and runs to Namjoon. Namjoon pulls Hoseok and Tae off of each other and out of the car. We pay for admission and sit near the middle. I have the black flowers sitting in my lap.
Taehyung, from two seats down starts talking about the dance. Hoseok joins in. They've both seen the dance. They talk about how emotional it is. "I cried when I saw it the first time," Taehyung says. "Trust me, he's going to get that scholarship."
A few minutes pass. Jin arrives. He looks exhausted. I try not to be pissed towards him even though I know he and Jimin did something. I try to keep my mind off of it. I can't help but wonder where his parents are."
I lean over towards where Taehyung and Jin are talking. "Where's his parents?" I ask. I've never seen them. He avoids them. I know they don't give him a lot of attention, but they should at least come to watch his dance."
Jin sighs. "I don't know. They dropped him off. They should be here. But you never know if they can stick around."
I frown. They should be here to support his son. Especially since someone from Juilliard is here to watch him. He'll need extra love when the concert ends if they are missing it.
The lights dim and an announcer reads the first performer, even though we all have booklets telling us when someone if preforming. There's many performers. They're all very good. Not of them have loud cheers for them. I take it upon myself to cheer for Jimin like that.
"Our next performer, Park Jimin," a voice says.
Jimin appears on stage. He's in a starting position. He's in tight pants and a loose white shirt. His skin looks pale from the harsh lights on stage. When the song starts, his body movies smoothly. Stay by Rihanna was an excellent choice. He shows emotion in his dance. His body is a piece of art.
I can hear the youngest crying. Jungkook is trying to suppress his cries. I sigh and move my hand to thumb his hand. He calms slightly. Taehyung is full on balling. His face is buried in Jin's shirt. Hoseok has small sniffs, but I think that's it.
As the song goes on, I myself gets misty in the eyes. I wipe them away. The song seems to speak perfectly for him. He ends. His chest his puffing, trying to get his breath. I stand up and cheer loudly. The others join. I can see his smile. A perfect smile. Taehyung is by far the loudest and most enthusiastic. We sit down when he leaves the stage. And now we have a half hour to wait since the show continues.
After a few performers, I hear Taehyung cuss. I look at him. "What's wrong?" I ask.
He points at the stage. There's a boy dancing. "That's Joshua. That's fucking him!" He whisper yells. He stands up. Hoseok and Jin are quick to sit him down again.
"Taehyung, no," Jin says. "Don't ruin this day for Jimin just because you want to kill someone."
"He ducking ruined Jimin!" Taehyung says. He's getting loud and people shush him.
"Lets go to the bathroom to calm down, okay?" Hoseok says. Taehyung lets him take him away.
I turn to the stage. Joshua is dancing. He is pretty good. No where as good as Jimin. But no one is I guess. Joshua is dancing more like hip hop style. When he's done and I calm, but pettily. There's four more dancer after him. Taehyung and Hoseok return. We go to where the dancers are getting ready to go. Taehyung walks ahead of everyone. The first bing I see is Jimin. He's next to Joshua. His face is pink and he's smiling brightly. Taehyung sprints towards the two. Hoseok and Jin run after.
Taehyung shoves Joshua. "Get away from him!" He screams.
"Taehyung!" Everyone seems to scold.
Hoseok manages to hold Taehyung back. Jin puts his hand on Jimin's shoulder. "Jimmy, what are you doing?" He asks.
Jimin looks at Joshua. "I'll talk to you later," he says. He sounds like a child being scolded. Joshua nods. He looks at me. He smiles slightly and walks away.
"No he won't!" Taehyung yells.
"Jimin, why were you talking to him?" Jin asks.
Jimin sighs. "He came up to me. And he seems different," he says.
"No, Jimin. You aren't going to see him, okay?" Jin says.
Jimin nods. "Okay."
"You did amazing out there," Hoseok says. Everyone joins in and compliments the dance.
I hold the bouquet towards him. "Here. I know flowers are stupid, but people said it's good to give flowers after something like this," I say.
He smiles and takes them. "Thank you, Yoongi," he says. "They're beautiful."
"Yoongi cried!" Jungkook says.
I look at him. "So did you!"
Jimin giggles. He holds onto my arm. "I made you cry, huh?"
I scoff. "I have allergies," I say. I smile at him.
"Park Jimin," a voice interrupts us.
Jimin pulls away. He looks at the fancy woman in a suit. "Hello," he says.
She smiles. "I'd be happy to see you at orientation next school year," she says. She hands Jimin an envelope.
He smiles. "Oh, thank you!!" She nods and leaves. Jimin flings himself on Taehyung and hugs him. Jin hugs the two and congratulates him.
After we are all done congratulating Jimin, he looks around. I feel my heart sink. His parents aren't here. His smile slowly fades. Jin notices and asks what's wrong. Jimin just shakes his head and puts on a fake smile. He answers with a nothing and suggests we leave.
"I'd give you a ride home, but I'm stuck with these idiots," I say, and gesture to the two couples.
Jimin laughs. "I'll just go home with Jin."
"Nonsense!" Taehyung says. "I wanna go with Jin! Plus, Yoongi had to deal with us the way here. We should share some love with Jin!" He elbows the eldest.
Jin sighs. "Yeah, okay. I'll take the four. You can go with Yoongi."
Jimin smiles. I hold mine. "I guess you're stuck with me, huh?" He pushes me lightly.
I start walking to the car park. "Man, i was really looking forward to hearing Jungkook cry about Hobi and Tae making out again and Namjoon singing to terrible songs."
I unlock the car and we climb in. Jimin buckles and picks a cassette to play. "Well, now you just have to hear me singing terribly to good songs."
The music starts. I start driving. Jimin does as promised. I sings along to almost all of the songs. Only he lied about it being terrible. He's brilliant. I smile and sing along quietly. I just want to turn the volume down and listen to his voice. I do slightly, but to ask where he wants me to drop him off.
"Could I stay at your house?" He asks.
I nod. "Of course." I pause before continuing. "I'm sorry about your parents. It must hurt."
He shrugs. "I'm used to it."
I scoff. "You shouldn't be. That's something a kid should have to get used to. They're your parents, Jimin."
He smiles sadly. "I know. But it's better than getting upset all the time over it."
I pull into my driveway. "Lets go sleep. You are probably tired."
He nods and grabs his dance bag. We go to my room. He occupies the shower for a while. I change into lazy clothes. He comes out with a towel around his waist. His body is small, but he has plenty of muscle. It makes me feel slightly self conscious. He blushes when he catches me staring.
"What~" He draws out.
I step towards him and take a chance. I touch his bare shoulder. "You are breath taking, Jimin," I say.
I said it. It's out there.
He looks at me with his big eyes. "W-why are you saying this?" He asks.
I want to back out. Where's the escape button? Whatever I say or do will affect our relationship forever. "I just thought you should know. You're are so beautiful," I say. It's a safe move.
He cups my face with his hand that isn't holding his towel up. "Please don't fall for me. I'm a mess."
"But you're worth it," I say.
He smiles slightly. His lips press against mine. I kiss back softly. I'm afraid to scare him away. His soft lips against my small ones. It's like a dream. His lips taste like watermelon gum. His small hands wrap around my neck and pull me closer. I keep my hands on his upper waist so I'm not pushing any boundaries.
I guide him slowly to my bed. I sit on the edge and let him sit on my lap. He pulls back and looks at me. His eyes stare into mine. His cheeks are dusted with pink, I feel as if mine are the same. I hold him by the waist. His breath is soft against my face.
"I'm afraid," he says just above a whisper.
"Don't be. I won't hurt you," I promise.
He shakes his head. "I'm afraid of hurting you. I'm so broken I don't know if I can be put back together."
"I can help. I'll always be here for you. Friends or more. Even if we end up breaking up," I say. "I'll always help you. Pretty boys shouldn't be sad."
He lays his head on my shoulder. "I don't know what to do. Everything is telling me to go for it. But I'm so afraid. I don't want you to suffer for me."
I kiss his temple. "You don't need to make a decision now. Just eventually." I slide him off my lap. "I'll wait. But for now you should get dressed."
He smiles and nods. I turn away as he gets dressed. When he's done, he lays next to me in bed. He holds me close. "I can't believe this day. I saw Joshua, I got excepted to Juilliard, my parents suck still, and then you. It's a pattern of bad and good."
I smile. "I'm glad I can end your day with good."