to him ••• yoonmin

Hello, Goodbye

Jimin-
Ever since I started being friends with Yoongi, I've noticed something. I want to kill myself a lot less. It's a good thing, right? Everyone thinks it is. Maybe Yoongi is the perfect person for me. Maybe he is here to fix me, then let someone else have me to keep me together.
Or maybe I'm never supposed to get better. As fate would have it, it seems so. I wanted coffee. We had our first snow. It's almost December. Studying at a coffee shop, sounds so tween. But it's how it happened. Joshua had to come to this shop wanting a Carmel frappe.
He sees me, of course. He couldn't help but sit across from me. The same smile that I saw the day we met. Why would the universe put him in front of me? Maybe I'm never supposed to be with Yoongi. Joshua. Maybe he's the partner of mine:
"How are you?" Joshua asks.
"I'm good. How are you?" I respond. There's no emotion in my voice.
"I'm good. I miss you."
There it is. Those words. He knows how to drag me under and drown me like before. "Please don't."
"Why, do you have a boyfriend."
I should say yes. I should say something about Yoongi. Of course I don't. Do I want to repeat history? He's sitting across from me. His beauty like no other. "I don't."
He smiles. "Then I don't see the problem." He stares at me. His eyes just watching me. It's something that's always made him irresistible to me. He knows it too. That's why he's doing it. He wants to capture me in his eyes again. And he's going to.
He stand up and walks over to me. He sits next to me. He holds my face. "You've gotten so skinny. It's so beautiful. You are beautiful," he says. He pecks my lip.
The single second. That one peck leaves me wanting more. I'm like a formal cigarette addict. I need more to get me by. He's my nicotine. Something I need, but will eventually kill me in the end. I lean up and pull him into a deeper kiss. I remember how he does it. He leaves little nips. He pushes me against the window. Deepening it with his tongue.
He kisses my jaw, then down my neck. Maybe he'll leave evidence for later. He knows I'm all his now. He can mark me as I am. "Fuck, you're so good," he mumbles. I give him a small squeak in reply. "Lets go to my house." I nod.
I pack my things quickly and follow him out of the coffee shop. I keep my head low just in case anyone I know is around. We get in his expensive car. He speed to his house. It's big. Just like I remembered. He pulls me up to his room. Once the door is locked, it's like a routine is programmed into me.
He takes off my shirt and pushes me into the bed. His hands roam my body and his teeth leave bruises. My pants are gone, along with my boxers. He pulls his down enough to take his hard dick out. He strokes himself as I suck kn his fingers.
"Look at you. You've always been such a good slut for me," he rasps. "You are so good. Have you been good for me? Keeping others away from your sweet pussy?"
I nod. Even though it's a lie. He takes his fingers out of my mouth. He presses him into my hole and starts massaging them into me. I whine slightly. Everything is hyperactive. I'm with him. Joshua. He's going to make me his again.
"You're a lier. I know you are a cock slut and you couldn't keep your pussy in your pants if your life depended on it," he says. "Luckily, I don't care who else have touched you. They are in comparison to me." He adds a third. I try rutting against his fingers. I need more. I don't care about pride. I'm his little cock slut.
"Joshua," I moan. "I c-can do it. Please."
He kisses my cheek. "If you insist." He pulls out his fingers. He grabs a bottle of lube and a condom. He puts a little line on my entrance. I whimper at the cold feeling. He holds my shoulders, and slowly pushes him self into me. I moan and grip his hair. I want more.
•••
I can see everyone's eyes on me when I walk towards them. I know why. I have hickeys all up my neck. I can almost feel Yoongi melting away. I feel bad. But again I feel amazing. Joshua is my boyfriend.
"What are those?" Taehyung asks when I sit on the bleachers next to him.
"Hickeys," I say. "You should know what they are by now."
"Who gave you them?" He asks. "You didn't have them yesterday."
I sigh. "You don't need to know everything about my sex life. I can do what I want."
I look at Yoongi. He's biting his lip and just looking at me. He looks heart broken. I want to hug him and tell him I'm sorry. But he isn't want I want. I want Joshua. I need him. And now I have him back.
Taehyung rolls his eyes at me and continues eating. Hoseok sends me a look is what looks to me sorrow. Then he looks at Yoongi. He lays Yoongi's leg and goes back to Taehyung. Yoongi finally looks away. He plays his the hem of his shirt. He looks so small. He looks so hurt.
"I'm sorry," I say quietly to him.
"About what?" He says back. "I don't know why you'd be sorry." He gets up and walks away. Everyone watches as he walks off school ground.
"I better go," Jungkook says. He kisses Namjoon and runs after his cousin.
"Where is he going?" I ask.
Namjoon glares at me. "Yoongi's going somewhere to cry. Jungkook is going to comfort him and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid."
He gets up and leaves. How could this effect everyone so much?