Smash Into You

Chapter 20: Heart Out

After that night and whole day Lauren, I spent most of my time with Lucy to make it up to her. When I showed up after everything that had happened, she kind of just stood there, not knowing what to say. Instead it was me who rushed to her and gathered her in my arms, squeezing her tightly into me as I apologized all over again for my behavior and actions.

She was surprised at first, but melted into me and laughed with every apology I repeated, continuously stating that it was fine- that everything was simply fine.

I just couldn't help but have this overwhelming sense that she deserved every apology I had to give, because I had sidelined her for Lauren in a heartbeat. At the time, the choice was an easy one. But now, as I looked back on exactly what happened and how I handled it, my behavior worried me. I continuously told myself that this doesn't need to happen again, that I have to honor my commitment to Lucy, even if Lauren needed me.

In the back of my mind, I knew very well what would happen if Lauren was on the verge of crying again. I would dial up my girlfriend and do the same thing I had that night: flat out say I can't make it and I couldn't explain why. Then, I would just have to expect Lucy to trust in me in the situation.

And that made me guilty.

Still, despite all that has happened between Lauren and me, it seemed that what I said was true: If we truly worked at trying to keep everything normal, than everything CAN be normal. That night was lost in the wind, but I knew both of us kept it at the back of our minds. You could tell by the way we nervously separated after a hug, or even while drinking we didn't cuddle as much anymore. What happened between us back than was an... eye opener. It was like being dunked in ice-cold water. So, the underlying knot in our relationship morphed into something a bit more complex and real.

Despite the few changes that were BOUND to happen after, we were as normal as we could be. Well, normal enough for me to come over for dinner anyway.

Yup, Lauren offered to do some cooking tonight. It was Wednesday; The middle of the week, so the only real home meal I was going to have if I stayed at home was bowl of cereal and a banana. SO, without any second thought, I rushed over to Lauren's.

I was asked to bring over some ingredients she needed for the dinner. You know the basics: eggs, whole milk, and some flour. I guessed that maybe she would be baking me a cake afterwards. Actually, it was my hope. I haven't had a good homemade cake since I left my parents place. So I've been craving one for years.

When Lauren opened the door to let me in, she didn't even bother looking at me. Actually, just snatched the bag and complained, "Did you manage to find everything I needed in CHINA?!"

I laughed, caught a little off guard at her angry tone. Grinning, I kicked the door shut and followed her in the kitchen, "Sorry, I don't do much shopping some of the stuff was kind of hard to find... Actually I ended up having to ask this very pretty girl for help. She kindly showed me around to everything I needed, even talked to me a bit as I walked to the register."

Lauren turned towards me, an eyebrow raised with mild curiosity. I gave another grin, but it flattened when I heard her say in a hostile tone, "Oh yeah? I wonder how Lucy would feel about that."

Eyes widening, I stumbled out a cover up, "Well, I was having some trouble and she was totally out of my league anyway." A teasing smile slipped into Lauren's face as she noticed my mistake. Heart dropping, I rushed out, "Not that I was aiming for anything but getting some help! I'm just saying she probably didn't even notice me."

"Suree," she replied, laughing as I groaned.

"Jesus woman," I complained while hopping on the counter, "You never cease to scare the living hell out of me."

"It isn't me who scares you obviously," she corrected with a roll of her eyes, "It's Lucy you seem to be mostly worried about."

I thought about it for a second, and then nodding as I made the sense of it, I added, "But you are scary too."

"Scary enough for you to tell me about these girls, huh?" she drawled, moving about in the kitchen as she prepped to cook, "Yeah, I must be terrifying."

I kicked my feet thoughtfully, "Well, not about the girls. I have no reason to be scared about telling you about the girls."

A sigh huffed out of her as she pressed, "Have you ever thought maybe I could get jealous too?"

I blinked, kind of surprised by the question. When Lauren didn't look back to me, I scrunched my eyebrows and asked the obvious, seeing as I felt like I was missing something, "Why would YOU be jealous?"

Watching her shoulders shrug, I listened carefully as she practically mumbled out, "I don't know. Maybe I feel like these random girls you meet everywhere are going to steal you away. I was one of those random girls, you know, and look at us now. Best friends and hanging out every day, until recently another random girl popped into your life."

I blinked again, but this time in disbelief. After a moment, I laughed, thinking this was all some sort of a joke. When Lauren's green eyes met mine as she turned around though, I realized that she was serious. Furrowing my eyebrows again as I quit my laughing. I reached for her arm and pulled her into me. She situated herself at the space between my legs and turned so I could hug her from behind, "You can't be serious? Oh come on, babe, unless these girls have some scolding coffee, a completely hectic look as they explained how they were going to be late for work, and an absolutely dazzling smile to them, I hardly doubt I will be whisked away by these women to their homes practically everyday."

She shrugged as she pulled at my hands before interlacing ours fingers, pointing out, "So you are telling me Lucy had all of this then?"

I frowned and rolled my eyes, "Lucy is different, obviously."

"How?" She countered, looking back at me expectantly, "How is she different than that extraordinarily pretty girl at the market tonight? How am I different from Lucy? All three of us, counting the unknown girl, met you the very same way in the end, by accident. Or did you know Lucy already before you started dating her?"

Rubbing the back of her hand with my thumb for comfort, I struggled to find a difference. She was right, but technically everyone I met was by accident. Finally coming up with an argument, I spoke, "Then you are suggesting that every random person I meet is going to magically take me away somewhere."

Lauren released my hands and turned to face me, her eyes rolled again. Something I started to notice she was doing more frequently with me.  "Maybe that is exactly what I'm trying to point out. Maybe that is my whole argument. If every girl had the potential to take you away, did you ever stop to think that I could be jealous about this?"

I opened my mouth, completely stumped. When she kept watching me, I shifted a bit uncomfortably and spoke, "Well... I never thought you would really be jealous over things like that Lo. I mean, we are best friends and I come over everyday..."

"Well," She sighed out before going back to prepping, "There goes an off the wall thought for you."

Sitting there completely confused about what had just happened, I couldn't shake the feeling that there was something I was missing about this WHOLE argument.

It's just you and I tonight
Why don't you figure my heart out?