Smash Into You

Chapter 28: Smash Into You

"Camila!"

The call came from behind me, and I was surprised. As the rain poured down, soaking me the second I reached the stairs, I attempted to keep moving, ignoring the only girl who could be calling after me.

"Camz stop."

I continued to ignore her, making my way to my car as my foot hit the last step. Digging the keys from my pocket, I tugged them out only for them to fall in this deep random puddle that I swear wasn't there before.

What the hell was with my luck tonight?

"Camila," And just before I could bend down to grab my keys, there was a hand gripping my wrist, "Stop, you can't just leave like this."

"Why not?" I mumbled, which I wasn't sure if she could hear from the drops of rain pounding the ground.

"Because obviously there are things here we have to talk about," Lauren's distressed voice replied, tugging my arm when all I did was keep my back towards her, "And you leaving isn't going to solve anything."

"There is nothing to solve," I snapped, snatching my hand back before bending down to dig my keys from the puddle.

"You don't think we have anything to solve between us?" She pressed, standing over me as I was bent down, "You don't think there is some sort of issue that we keep ignoring? There is something nagging at the both of us, Camila. There is something that is forcing us to be this way. Don't you want to figure out what it is?"

When I finally managed to find the keys within the puddle, I stood up and turned around. I was met with eyes that crashed with destructive waves. They stayed open, even in the rain, just to stare at me desperately. I saw how badly she wanted me to go back upstairs, to stay with her if only for tonight. She didn't want to leave things how they were anymore.

I looked away from her, heart pounding, "No, I don't."

I didn't. I was through with all of this, I just wanted to fall back to what we could be, and what we could be were friends. If I walked away from this now and left things how they were, by a week or two we would be laughing and smiling like we always did. And that sounded way more appealing than me spilling that I have this deep, encompassing love for her that would just not go away. What would happen if I said that and she simply just couldn't handle it? What would happen if I spoke the truth and she was okay with it, but slowly just grew awkward and distant?

I didn't want any of that. I wanted the Lauren I was sure to have if I kept my mouth shut, not the Lauren I could lose if I told her the truth.

"Please don't leave," her sentence was pleading and broken. This is why I looked away before answering. I didn't want to see her heart breaking expression after I rejected her.

"I'll talk to you later, alright," I mumbled before turning around.

"I want you to stay! I'm calling in my second favor that you promised you would do!" She shouted from behind.

I stopped in my tracks, her words freezing me in my place. With my heart thudding, I turned around and looked at her, a deep frown on my face. With a soft glare, I watched her and replied, "Don't. Don't do that. It wouldn't matter if I stayed Lauren, because either way my company is toxic at the moment. Obviously I'm in a bad mood. I don't want to hang out. I want my space, why can't you let me have that?"

It wasn't true, of course, and I hated lying to her because I knew I was hurting her feelings. But my body and mind were reacting out of pure instinct, attempting to retract away from this situation as far as possible. I was too scared to stay tonight, too vulnerable to see this through. I had to try to escape her or I would end up admitting everything I didn't want to.

"I don't care," She replied, looking miserably at me, "Please stay, you promised me."

I shook my head, feeling terrible for backing out on a promise I made to her, "I'm sorry, but I'm still leaving."

"Camz please," She begged as I turned around, "Please don't make me start doubting you now. Please don't give me a reason to think you are a liar. I don't want you to become that person with me, because I rely and trust you too much. Don't do this to us."

God, she was breaking my heart. With my hands into fists, I continued to move towards my car.

"Where are you going to go?" She shouted at my moving figure, "Where will you stay tonight? Please don't say Lucy, Camila. I swear to god, please don't leave me for her. I can't take it anymore, I can't and I don't want to. Stay with me tonight, I'm begging in the rain and looking fucking pathetic doing it!"

Trying to walk away from her was like ripping my soul in half. My heart was breaking within my chest as I heard her plead for me to stop leaving her. This wasn't fair, not to her.

I turned around, looking at her as she stood there waiting. Her hair was matted and stuck against her neck in the most miserable type of way. With a sigh, I knew I couldn't leave her alone, not tonight. She would cry all by herself. She would hurt all by herself. I couldn't let her do it, not when I had a chance to be here for her.

So, I walked back and when I saw that her tears were already mixing with the rain. My chest burned. She didn't say anything when I stood in front of her and she didn't have to. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and crushed her against me, feeling the way she clung to me and sobbed into my chest.

What is wrong with me, why do I keep hurting her? If I love her, why do I keep pushing away and making her cry? Why was I going to leave her like this...

Even though it hurt not to have her the way I wanted to, I loved her too much to deny her what she needed from me: my comfort, support, attention, strength, love. Even if she ran to Brad the next day, I now know that she would look back to see if I was waiting there for her, all so that she can come back to me.

Maybe she didn't want me the same way I wanted her. Maybe she didn't know how that I ached for her. But she did know that I loved her, in one way or another, and she wanted to keep it around.

So, while Lucy clawed and pushed and pulled, knowing I would fall back to her if she complained hard enough, I hope Lauren now understood that if she fought right back, I would ran right back her. Because if Lucy took all I had, Lauren possessed something I never got the chance to give away...

My heart.

And I'm soaked in your love
And love was right in my path, in my grasp
And me and you belong