Smash Into You

Chapter 26: Two Ghosts

A/N: This chapter's short I know but chapter 27 is coming later tonight and it's my literal fav. I had so much fun writing it so I hope you guys enjoy it!

I was starting to notice the pattern. I was noticing how Lauren and I just automatically accommodated each other's needs. It was like we knew that past the smiles and laughs there was a part of ourselves that just wanted for everything to be simple, just how it used to be. But it was either one or the other, never both of us at the same time.

This time it was me.

So as I wished deep down that everything would fall back into place, Lauren accommodated. As I laughed and brushed everything off like that night never happened, Lauren allowed me to. Her smiles were gentle, her laughs were soft, and her eyes were understanding. She knew. She knew that I needed my time to figure out whatever I needed to figure out, and she let me have it.

I was confused and unable to think what I truly needed to think about because Lauren's presence always melted everything away. When her eyes would fall to mine, I floated into them. With a dull ache in my chest, I drifted into space. I didn't want to think, I didn't want to sit here and figure out what exactly was going on with me, because I knew the answer would hurt.

I always tried to brush it off, and sometimes I truly was happy, but the situation between Lauren and me was building up to something I could no longer ignore. It was back. The stress, the hurt, the frustration was all back. I realized that even though we were able to be best friends and enjoy each other's company everyday on the ride to work. In the end, I didn't have her.

She wasn't mine.

That night, I kept myself from touching her more than I did. I was able to hold a grip onto the one slice of sanity I had left. Keeping me from snatching her and making her mine. I knew. I simply just knew. If I had given in, I would be trapped in that girl forever, and I wasn't ready for that.

I wasn't ready to give this girl my whole fucking heart because I didn't know if I would be getting hers in return.

No matter what we did on our nights together, no matter how much we laughed, cried, clung to each other, we never belonged to each other. Because Lauren had Brad, and as long as that was happening I had Lucy–

Another problem of its own.

She was getting worse. She was demanding things of me I slowly couldn't deliver without dropping Lauren completely. The more I gave in to her small pleas for attention, the more I left Lauren in the dark, alone. So the nights I would spend eating dinner with Lucy, chewing on the food that had no taste to it because I was numb to everything around me, I realized that maybe this would be better.

Maybe letting Lucy take me away was better than sitting here and hoping for a girl that wasn't mine.

I kept telling myself that so I didn't end up crying like the weak person I was slowly becoming. I kept repeating to myself that while it would hurt losing Lauren as I kept Lucy around, it would hurt way worse losing Lauren completely over a silly crush I couldn't get over.

At least if I was with Lucy, I could still be her friend. At least I was able to see her once and awhile and fall back into the friendship we once had. It was so much better than her rejecting me and suddenly staying away from me over dumb, stupid, childish little feelings I couldn't seem to shake.

I wished they would go away.

"Mila?" Lucy called softly. I blinked, looking up from my plate. When she watched me silently, I gave her a small smile. Looking unconvinced by the front I was trying so hard to put up, she pressed, "You aren't eating... Are you ok?"

I looked down at my plate, seeing that she was right and I hardly touched my food. Taking a scoop of peas and chewing, I mumbled, "Yeah I'm fine. Sorry, was just thinking of something."

We're not who we used to be
We're just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me