Why Don't I Write You A Poem

Excuses

I'm not a proud follower, but I'm not a victim of my own mistakes.
It's not easy to accept the wrong moves you make.
It's never easy, I'll just accept that my smiles fake.
It's never easy, you don't see the slashes I rake.
Covered in bruises and bad words.
Shamefully unheard.
Absurd.
You'd think I'd have the common sense to be assured,
That we all get out alive,
Just to die.
It's not meaningful,
They lie!
Everything you write is stupid! There's no flow!
Your voice sounds like shit, that's a no go!
I'm not a victim.
I chose to fuck everything up.
I made the wrong decisions.
I don't practice enough!
I'm not the victim!
I just don't take care of myself, see?
So just go back to sleep and pretend it's a bad dream.
Your daughter isn't crazy, no she's not insane!
She cut up her body cause she likes the pain!
But don't get rid of her, no don't throw her away!
She's not just a daughter she's a sister, she's so brave.
Watch em scream at the youngest until she's gasping between sobs,
You think I'm crazy?
You think I'm crazy?
I'll push you away,
You'll have nice words to say.
At least I saved my baby sister, I found a way
"But you got hit and blamed and yelled at!"
That's what I get for fucking talking back!
And I would do it again, I have a thousand times!
I'm not crazy, I just gotta protect her,
Before you damage her until she can't break,
Numb her down so she doesn't feel a damn thing.
Ok I'm crazy! I won't keep making these excuses!
So unless you want to get hurt you should quit your bitchin!

"Oh her? She's nothing but trouble. It's impossible pop her bubble. You can't talk to her without her trying to fight. I offered to help her but she wouldn't bite"
I hear it every day. I hear it in my sleep
I hear these cursed words, but I don't speak a peep.
Go on, sisters, make mama and papa proud.
Go on brother, you can get away with being loud.
Go on and pass me, I'll just stay behind.
Go on, go faster. Before you change your mind!
I'll stay metaphorically locked up like a prisoner.
There's no guards around, just empty corridors.
There's no chains or cages to hold me here.
But I can't move, I'm frozen like a deer,
But there's no headlights, or anything really.
What's this toxic feeling?