Why Don't I Write You A Poem

Simple

All I've hoped for
Dreamt of
Wished upon many stars
What I long for, it's simple
But is it?
At this rate I'll never go far

An author finds motivation
A singer has passion and grace
A therapist knows happiness
I'm simply a waste of space

"It's ok to have troubled thoughts,
To be sad and need a hug"
I don't think you understand, dear,
This is more than a grave I've dug

I don't want to take a nap or numb the pain,
See,
I look around and watch the creeps,
They look at me
"This isn't life or death"
Leave me be
I now have nothing left,
"Just breathe"

Recite the bible,
Rename the title
Call God and settle
Rewrite the ancient battle

How many times must I rehearse false stories
I've spoken my voice dry
I find this boring
I've plucked the best roses from the bushes
Injected poison into me
I've painted petals black and white
Rewritten history

All my words are false
Do you honestly believe?
That I've felt remorse for my sins
Or dread the day I'll leave?

I've spoken one language all my life
It's foreign to my tongue
Yet I wonder why you're silent
Or why our heros must be hung

I've wrote letters to the blind in braille
Maybe they can feel my pain
I've spoken speeches to the deaf
Hoping they heard me the same

My lips are cracked
My heart is broken
I slouch my back
These cuts are swollen

I will not lie, I don't feel numb
Not physically at least
But my emotions have evaporated
My heart is cooked well for the feast

Is there much more to brag about?
You know I'm empty inside
I'm just repeating what I've said
Expecting God to change his mind
But as we all know, I'm a nonbeliever
I can lie to myself but no one else can
You can't shove fiction in my face
Nor expect me to follow his plan

I'm far from independent
But I'm closer to myself
I can't care for my own needs but
I can help somebody else