I Can't, I Shouldn't | Johnil

...11

All his life, since Taeil started dating, it never ended well for him. When it got to his third relationship failure, he was convinced that he was jinx because that's the most logical conclusion he came up with. Why wasn't he able to keep a relationship past three months? Why was he always the problem? Why was he always the one that gets hurt in the end? These are questions that are always left unanswered, and for once he'd like to know; why.

When Taeil turned Twenty years of age he gave up on relationships completely and started to divert all his attention and hurt into his studies. At least that wouldn't leave him after it got tired of him giving it too much of it's time. It wasn't easy but he enjoyed every minute of it and he graduated at the top of his classes with honours.

There were some advances of females that wanted to be more than friends with him, but he turned them down politely using the excuse that his studies were his main priority and he wouldn't have time for them in which he was right; for most parts. He knew they weren't there for him but for his status of him being the youngest son of the chairman and owner of the university.

And he kept that excuse fluid right through getting his masters into his first and only job. He thought that if he avoided relationships then he could avoid being hurt and it worked quite well up until he was twenty six.

Then Eun came into his life and changed his perspectives, to open his heart again after years of locking it up in a safe, something he has came to regret this day. Throughout his short dating experience all of them ended the same; he wasn't good enough. Even though they didn't say it verbally, the end result was enough proof of his so called 'lacking'. He just could not grasp what he did wrong.

He was a great gentleman, treated them like queens, gave them unconditional love, very understanding, waited for them in anything they weren't comfortable with (for god's sake he was saving his virginity for whoever thought he was 'worth' it) and so much more yet it wasn't enough. He thought he was okay looking and knows he is a genuinely a nice guy but that didn't seem to be adequate for his past encounters.

Taeil got all kinds of excuses, when it wasn't about him being too nice it was about him not giving them ample amount of attention, or they didn't like how he dressed and when he changed that it was still a problem. He usually beg them to stay because truth be told break ups really did wound his heart and soul but eventually stopped when he thought about their happiness. He didn't want to force them to stay because he thought that was selfish of him. So he gave up.

Eun stayed though and that really through him off. He didn't have to beg her to stay because he thought he finally found that one person that would 'tolerate' him. She didn't want to change him (or so he thought), she accepted him and that's all he ever wanted; to be accepted for who he was and for all that he aimed to be for his significant other. That's why after a short while he asked her to marry him, and look how that turned out. Now he finally accepted he was not meant for that type of love.

~+~

When Taeil came too from a terrible dream of him pleading to a leaving Eun to not forsake him, he was in an oversized warm plaid sweater and was lying on a really nice comfy bed. Then it finally registered to his brain what he did last night. He tried to sit up but rethinked his decision when he felt a striking pain in his lower back and his legs felt numb; not to mention his ass.

He blinked to take in his surrounding in the barely lit room and managed to map out the bathroom, bookshelf stacked with psychology and science fiction books and or those comic books? After thirty minutes he attempted to sit up again using the fluffy pillows to lean back on when a 'yelp' escaped his lips and after a while he heard tumbling heading his way. So he suck it up and pushed himself to lean back on the pillows but ended up falling out of bed onto the burgundy carpet landing on his back.

"Taeil!"

"Ah god damn that fucking hurts...!" the elder moaned out of agony drawing out the 'hurts' contouring his face into a pained filled expression.

"Why didn't you call me?" Johnny kneeled down scooping Taeil up bridal style earning more groans of discomfort. Taeil tried to look up at Johnny to give him a "Are you serious" face but it was more pained which caused Johnny to worry more.

"I-I'm fine." Taeil mumbled when the taller male place him back on the bed, putting him in his desired position which in return he got a pleased hum.

"Hmm.." The psychology student stood straight with his arms fold before him staring at Taeil, head slightly askewed before he says,

"You are really beautiful." And Taeil blushed, hiding his face with his sweater paw because the sleeves were too long for his short arms, looking away to avoid the intimidating stare from the younger. He cleared his throat and while looking away he asked the taller a question to avoid the straightforward compliment.

"W-why am I in your clothes?" Johnny opened the blinds in his room, allowing the sunrays to take residence in his humble abode and then turned back to Taeil admiring how the light bounces off his face.

"You look so iridescent under the sunlight. So breathtaking." God Taeil wish he could hide right now because he is a flushed red mess, so he went for the next best thing, two sweater paws hiding his face mumbling 'Will you stop that.'

"I bathed you after you fell asleep last night and put my shirt with one of my new boxers on you because I thought you'd look sexy in it and..." Johnny said in a sultry tone, eyeing Taeil from the tip of his toes to the mop of hair on his head, biting his bottom lip then releasing it before he continued, "..I wasn't wrong."

Johnny chuckled when he heard a squeal of frustration from Taeil, then he sat on the bed before taking the elder's legs gently resting them on his lap running his hand up and down the attractive exposed legs, hands lingering at the lecturer's thick bruised thighs which he became to love in the course of one night.

"Listen Johnny about last night..." In a barely audible voice the elder spoke, looking down at his fingers intertwined in his lap, with a sad face, afraid to look up because he knew what he did last night was unfair to Johnny.

"I am well aware you used me last night as a rebound." Taeil looked up slowly, finally looking into Johnny's eyes. Seeing something he can't quite decipher. Was that affection? Adoration? He doesn't know but for someone that he used last night the smile adorning the latter's face said the complete opposite of how he should actually feel; given that he was exploited.

"I-I'm s-sorry Johnny, I-I-I didn't mea-" Johnny chuckled with the brightest and cutest smile the elder has ever seen and it seized anything that was amount to slip past his lips.

"Don't worry baby, it's okay."

"But Johnny.." The taller male rose his free hand to caress Taeil's soft cheek with his thumb in which the elder leaned into subconsciously, enjoying the attention, turning a blind eye to the sensual touches and Johnny calling him 'baby'.

"I know you don't see me as I want you too.." unblinking with a heavy tongue, smile now replaced with a serious calm mien, he continued softly, "But I'm willing to wait."

Taeil's eyes widened at what the taller male had just spoken, eyes unmoving as he searches for the lie in his eyes but all he could see was want and fondness. How did he know what he was about to say? What have he done? The next words out of his mouth left Taeil speechless.

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"I really like you Taeil, for so long now."

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