I Can't, I Shouldn't | Johnil

...14

Taeil was packing the last of Eun's stuff into a box to send it off with the truck outside. It didn't take long for him to gather her stuff because some of it wasn't unpacked yet seeing that they only moved in together a few weeks ago; little over two three months now, so that was good for him. While he gathered and packed the last of her remaining belongings, he couldn't help but think that all those times together were nothing but an illusion that he conjured up into his brain to cope with the fact that he was just not good with relationships. Mistaking infatuation for love, that was so foolish of him.

Taeil sighed as he brought the last box down to the one person he didn't want to see, "I told you that I'd send your stuff to your mom's so you didn't have to see my face." He didn't look at her when he handed her the last package and walked right into the kitchen for a glass of water then took a seat on the stool by the counter, sipping his water.

"Look Taeil--" she walked into the kitchen with a regretful look on her face, as if she was trying to sympathize with the lecturer,

"Save it. If you're going to tell me you're sorry, just save it." He kept his gaze down on the marbled counter not sparing her a glance.

"But I am sorry! Just hear me out okay?" Taeil chuckled and didn't say anything after which she took as a sign that she could speak.

"You were right. I shouldn't have done what I did, it was really stupid--"

"No shit." The lecturer mumbled.

She cleared her throat and then continued, looking at the floor as she spoke,

"You're a really sweet guy Taeil, very caring and loving... And I don't deserve that. You deserve better." She paused a little before she presumed, droplets of tears falling on the box as she sniffles.

"I-I... really did love you Taeil but--"

"You saw me more as a brother...." Taeil finished for her. She sniffled again, using her sleeve to wipe her eyes.

"...Yes." After a short moment of silence, Taeil spoke up.

"Tell me one thing, why did you really say yes to my proposal?" Still not looking up from his glass, face expressionless swirling the water around in the cylindrical object, he waited for an answer.

"Because... I'm not a stable person Illie a-and I thought that m-maybe if I said yes to someone like you, someone so well put together... that I could change especially for my mom. Stupid right? I thought I could look past the fact that I saw you as a brother and actually return the same feelings. But I didn't. I'm just selfish, I only thought of myself and disregarded how you would feel in the end. I even cheated on you... I don't have the fucking right to cry right now, Taeil I'm really s-sorry--"

Taeil got up from the stool walking over to Eun, took the box from her placing it on the marbled countertop and engulfed her in a warm hug as she cried. He whispered into her ear,

"Shhh, it's okay." He rubbed soothing circles on her back, as she cried on his shoulder, "I'm sorry too."

"You shouldn't be! I really didn't want to hurt your feelings Taeil, but I was provoked the day I told you the truth and--"

"It's partially my fault too Eun, don't only blame yourself."

"Taeil..."

"It's okay." Eun had stopped crying after a short while, then a beep could be heard from outside. They forgot that the truck was waiting. "You should go." Eun nodded and Taeil let her go and got the box for her, handing it back so she could hold it.

When she was heading out the door with Taeil standing there waiting for her departure so he could close the door, she turned around to be selfish one last time,

"C-can we still be friends?" She looked up at him with hopeful eyes. The lecturer smiled at her raising his arm up to hold her cheek gently, giving it one stroke before he says,

"Now that would be cruel. I still love you Eun and you hurt me. Me staying friends with you would deeply wound me more so for now this is our final goodbye. Take care of yourself, be healthy and happy. I hope the best for you." He dropped his hand by his side, tear slipping down her cheek, she smiled and walked forward tiptoeing to leave light kiss on Taeil's cheek before softly saying,

"Goodbye Taeil, I hope the next person that comes into your life treats you the way you truly deserve to be treated." And she left.

He closed the door, hand still on the door as he leaned his head against it taking a deep breath and letting it out. Truth be told, he didn't want to know why she did what she did. He thought that if she told him more that he would have just broke down before her again, and he really wanted her to leave.

He was about to move away from the door until he heard a knock. He mumbled to himself, "Eun probably forgot something," so he opened the door. And there standing over six feet, was his neighbor that he haven't contacted for over a month now looking down at him. He extended his arms for Taeil and he accepted the the kind gesture. Wrapping his arms around Johnny's waist, leaning his head against his chest listening to his heart beat with the taller's arms now around him. He most have seen Eun leave just now.

"I thought about it.. It will be a risk being that you're a student at the same university that I lecture at, but I'm willing to try." Taeil had his eyes closed as he inhaled the taller's fruity scent.

"Willing to try what?" Johnny asked, now stroking the shorter male's hair, running his fingers through the soft locks illicting pleasant hums in return.

"I'm willing to try and return your feelings. If you don't mind waiting for me to come to terms with my pass feelings then... I want to try liking you." The psychology student smiled, leaning his chin on top of Taeil's head that smelled of lavender. His hands now rubbing soothing circles on the elder's back.

"You know I only came over here to comfort you, not to get an answer right now because I know it takes time to get over someone. I told you I could wait." Taeil took a deep breath holding on tighter to the taller male as he replied,

"I know but when I saw you just now, it made me happy and that's all the answer I needed to make my decision." The shorter male looked up at Johnny staring into the beautiful orbs as he smiled at him, chin pressed against the taller's chest and the latter returning the gesture pinching Taeil's nose in the process.

"Plus I think two years is enough waiting for you. I know we skipped some levels already... But let's start over. Let's finally both be happy together yea?" He grin cutely at the taller male, then Johnny rose his hands before him to the shorter males face cupping his flushed cheeks and lowered his head to place a lingering kiss to his forehead whispering against it as he closed his eyes,

.

.

.

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"Let's be happy together."

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Last Chapter coming up and will be the longest, I think. Hoping to update the last chapter today, if not then Tuesday.

*Chapter not proofread*

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