Muse

Chapter 19: "Wait what exactly are you saying?"

"THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!" I scream, squeezing the death out of my mom. She laughs reluctantly and hugs me back.

"Don't get too excited...there's still quite a few complications we have to work out."

I pull back too look at her, the grin never leaving my face.

"They don't matter to me. Make me fly home every weekend for all I care! Put restrictions on my phone! It's all worth it if it means I get to live in California!"

Skrrrrrrrt

Alright so I'm assuming you're all completely confused. Lets backtrack.

So, Lauren dropped me home, after waiting an hour for me to get out of detention because of Isaiah's stupid, broken, internal clock.

I thought my day couldn't get any more, uh, special, especially after the whole thing in the dance studio.

Well, lets just say the universe loves proving me wrong....

Lauren waves, pulling out of the driveway. I give her a weak smile and mentally braced myself, putting on a serious front so that my mother won't see the toll ignoring each other has had on me.

I keep my eyes on the floor as I open the door and take my time locking it. I don't hear anything but the buzz of the Living Room ceiling fan. She must be upstairs.

I abandon my dance bag on the floor, right next to a pile of miscellaneous shoes and turn towards the kitchen. I've been ignoring my mom for days, but it doesn't mean I have to forget about my stomach.

"Ahem."

I yelp at the sight of my mother, sitting all professional with her arms and legs crossed, on the couch a few feet away. An irritated look on her face.

"Ugh, sorry." I roll my eyes for emphasis and lean over to pick up my bag. Jeez did she have to scare me like that? She sighs at my attitude.

"No, Devyn, just leave the bag and come sit down. We need to talk." My heart skips a beat. There are those words again.

I begrudgingly drag my feet over to the love seat and plop myself down. I once won an award in second grade for being the most graceful girl in my class. I wonder what Mrs. Woods would say if she saw me now, legs spread and slouching with the most pathetic pout. She's probably rolling in her grave.

All at once the hardness of my mother's expression melts, exhasution seeping through its cracks. 

"Devyn, " she began, running a hand down her face. Nothing about my mother brings the word old to my mind, but in that moment, she seemed to bear the burden of a women a decade more in age. "I, I can't keep doing this. We can't keep doing this. Enough is enough." Her voice gave out at we; so did my prideful resolve. 

I look down at my anxious fingers, voice barely above a whisper, "I know."

Her next exhale came out shaky, but somehow assertive. 

"You have to understand why I say the things that I say, how I come to the decisions that I come to. I'm not trying to hold you back from your dreams, I - "

"Do I though, have to understand? Because I don't. And as for you holding me back from my dreams, it sure feels that way." I look at her sharply. 

And oh the way she looks back at me. Eyebrows pulled together with a slight shake of the head, in that condescending way adults look at children when they think they're so much wiser, rendering the child foolish. The kind of look that igntites a fire in teens, burning out the sweet desire to seek parents for guidence until all thats left is stubborn pride and rage.

I sit up a little straighter and lean foward, resting my elbows on my knees. She notices but doesn't take the bait. 

"Devyn..." More a sigh than anything else. "I have good reasons to keep you from California."

"And they would be?"

Her face scrunches up in a half grimace, showcasing a painful battle between her heart, her thoughts, and her tongue. 

Another sigh.

"Devyn..."

"What? WHAT? Stop saying my name like that and just tell me!" Arms flailing and voice rising, the quickest route to a grounding if there ever was one. I don't realize I've stormed up from my seat right away. She rears back as if I've explicitly threatened her. 

Suddenly frustrated with myself I huff out a breath and lower my arms to my sides, who at some point spread themselves wide with impatience. 

The look she gives me stops me cold. Oh, she is so not.

But of course she is. 

Crystal droplets gather in her eyes, but they do nothing to quench her motherly fire.

"Devyn." Hard and cold that voice, "Sit. Down."  A thick lock of her hair falls from her messy bun and softly caresses her cheek. For some explainable reason, it actually makes her look more menacing. 

Slowly, rebelliously, I back up until the back of my knees meet the love seat and sit down gingerly. All the while, her eyes hold mine. 

For a moment she seems to gather herself up...only to deflate and close her eyes briefly with a slight shake of her head.

"Devyn," Her eyes open, "I do have my reasons for wanting to keep you from California. And as your mother, I don't owe you an explanation. That's what you need to get through your head, you hear?" She pauses for a beat letting her words sink in and then takes a deep breath. 

"However, I have thought it over these last few days and well...I realize that what I'm trying to protect you from -- yes, I'm trying to protect you -- isn't worth losing my daughter over."

My eyes widen. "Wait what exactly are you saying?" She holds up a hand and I snap my mouth shut.

"What I'm saying Devyn, is that..." She exhales and shakes her head. My heart beat picks up speed. 

"Yeah...?" I ask.

She drags her hands across you face. "I'm saying I am giving you permission to follow your dreams, like I've always taught you - " I stand up in shock. "And give you my blessing to go to California." She looks at me like it pains her to say it... it probably does.

"MOM!!!" I scream and leap across the few feet between us to crush her in my arms.

"THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!"

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Wow....I literally started this chapter like a year ago. 

Lo siento for the unforgivably late update. 

I hope you are all safe and having a much more exciting quarantine than me ;)

Adios amigos!

Love, SJ ♡