no name girlxgirl (COMPLETED)

Convince me

We talked about five minutes before saying goodbye. It felt good to hear her voice. Mrs. Cooper had always been kind to me. It sure was nice that she didn't try to talk to me on behalf of Tara like asking me to forgive her or anything. She just made me promise to come visit her soon because she missed me.

"She misses you," Tara said as I hand her the phone.

"And I miss her too," I said, looking down at the ground, realising Mrs. Cooper is one of the nicest people I've met on Earth.

"You know, I heard her."

            I look at her, confused. There's nothing secret about we talked about. It was just an ordinary conversation.

"Heard what?" so I asked.

"That she'd try to get rid of me so you could come and visit her," she said with her eyes rolled.

            But I could tell she was just being playful rather than offended. I just chuckle.

"But she doesn't have to. And you wouldn't have to sneak in. If I make you uncomfortable, I'd be willing to go out to the mall or something so you two could spend some quality time," she said sincerely.

            Do I believe her? Almost. After all she's done to me, could you blame me for not believing her? But I decide to give her the benefit of the doubt. I don't want to hold out any anger anymore. It didn't do me good.

"I know, coming from me that is hard to believe. But my mum... she..." her words were lost.

            I look at her, trying to figure this Tara sitting next to me. Is this an act? Tara Cooper lied about a lot of things but her mum was a different story. Even if it's bad news, she'd never lie to anyone about her mum. So I think maybe I could believe her next words to come. She takes a deep breath and looks at me intensely.

"After you were gone, I started to look at the world differently. This might sound like a lie or scripted or whatever but now I'm reorganising my priorities. I've reconsidered things and people who truly matter. And when you left I-I... I realise there might be only two people in this insane world who truly loves me. My mum... And you," at this point, her voice sounded weak.

            That's right. I love her. I loved her. Is it a past tense or present? I don't know. But they do say that first loves are forever. That could be the reason why I still have feelings for her.

"Yeah, but the only difference is that you never loved me back," I said with a tear escaping my eye.

It stings even if those words did come out of my mouth. From the corner of my right eye, I see Tara shifting her body so she is facing me. She quickly gets up and squats right in front of me, pulling my hand with hers.

"That's not true. That's not true at all," she said in a pleading voice.

            I finally built up some courage and look up ahead to stare her right in the eyes to try to read her emotions. What I'm seeing right now is a mystery. Tara... She's crying again. And I pull my hand away from her to tell her the truth about what happened between us.

"You don't have to be polite to try to make me feel better. If you had loved me, I surely would have known that," I admitted while wiping away my tears with my sleeve.

"No-" she tried to interrupt but I won't let her.

            Standing up is the best decision to do right now. I need to feel like I have some control over myself eventhough I can't control what I feel. Even as my knees wobble a bit, I know I have to go through with what's in my head.