Burnt Essences [A Story of Stale Love]

How it All Began

Hi baby.
Hi sweetest, most charming lady.
It's been great, you've been good,
So I'm resenting saying goodbye, baby.
.

Oh where did we begin,
Where did we start,
Because if this is where we part,
Then someday we'll start over again.
.

Start over with everything new,
And nothing like this rotting stew,
Of what we made of this,
You're sadder than me, I'm sadder than you.
.

And before I iterate all these memories,
I know you already remember these,
But let me reassure pretty you,
Let me prove I remember too.
.

Let me say it's impossible to forget,
That smile, girl I'm missing it.
Let me say I can't forget,
Our laughs and your goofy wit.
.

Don't cry baby I know it's sad,
That with you I get so mad.
But trust me when I tell you this,
That there's no telling how bad I feel,
And right now I'm feeling bad.
.

So take this half of my soul and remember,
How much strength it took to dismember,
You from me, me from you.
Wait till the mid of December.
.
__________
So it begins like this.
.
A little girl spent all her life,
In a sad little lonely strife.
With years passing ever so slowly,
With a dream of being the perfect wife.
.
But she was left utterly alone,
Life was to her as cold as stone.
And she waited and waited all the same,
But the moon of her life never shone.
.
.

A little boy spent most of his days,
In the most simplest of ways,
And he didn't imagine what was to be,
Couldn't predict what he was to see.
.
And he was left utterly alone,
Life to him was cold as stone.
And he waited and waited all the same,
For a princess innocent that never came.
.
So one day, the girl and boy,
Passed by a broken wall side,
And their eyes connected for just a while,
And ignored each other like nothing worthwhile.
.
But later on the boy asked her on Ask.fm.
If she was the pretty girl who passed by him.
Yes was the fervent reply,
And along with that came a witty smile.
.
And so the boy and girl talked more,
About things that wouldn't matter anymore,
And slowly but surely they came closer,
To be the best friends forever more.
.
And one day the boy told her,
That he'd join the military when he was older,
And when that day finally came,
He knew life wouldn't stay the same.
.
And the girl thought it was the best thing ever,
That he deserved to because he was clever,
And she prayed as he headed off in the train.
headed off in the August rain.
.
No need to say goodbye,
You'll come back when it's over,
No need to say goodbye,
Come back and we'll start over.
.
And somewhere, something in the boy, clicked.
With a countdown, a time bomb ticked.
And a feeling that without her hand to hold;
He thought he'd burn and explode.
.
He cast it away smirking at himself,
Thought better of it and corrected himself.
It's just out of line he said,
But there was something he knew he'd dread.
.
And he woke up with a start that night.
And hurriedly the light switch on he flicked.
Somewhere, something, inside him clicked,
Somewhere something fucking ticked.
.
And he felt his eyes sting as the realization came,
And he knew it wasn't a game,
Was he what he thought he was feeling?
Because love felt just about the same.
.
He decided to let it out as he welled up,
And told the girl on the phone to wake up.
He had something to tell her, he said,
And told her everything he knew he'd regret.
.
To his surprise it all began,
Even when from this feeling he ran,
But he wasn't an angel immune to love,
He was only but a mortal man.
.
Fast forward to when he met her,
His face flushed and his heart beat faster,
He lost it, he knew it all,
That he won't be the same ever after.
.
And sometimes he sat back and cried,
As to what happened when the opposite he tried,
He never thought he'd learn to love,
And after crying he simply sighed.
.
And the boy sits here, still, holding his pen.
Writing down the memories of now and then.
And that girl cries and reads till she falls asleep,
It's because she has promises to keep.
.
I remember it all baby, don't you see?
I remember that first slip of your feet,
How we laughed our asses off,
And goofed off on the backseat.
.
From those mayo fries and the movie scenes,
To the 3am calls every night.
The memories overwhelm me in the day,
But something haunts me in the night.
.
So to you one day happiness I gave,
On a rainy evening with a goodbye wave,
And as angry as I was for something forgotten,
For you in the rain that evening I bathed.
.
I stayed and cried and thought aloud.
And wished on every silver cloud,
That this isn't right of what I feel,
And it's something even time won't heal.
.
So baby if I cut out this beating heart,
Would you tell me what we really are?
What's this like, what's on your mind?
Is It love that no one knows?
.
And this secret is what we've got so far,
These demons in the dark,
Harden my Heart,
It kills me and no one knows.
.
.
Are you so out of reach?
Come on, nobody gets hurt,
We'll conquer all these little worlds,
If I get it right, maybe it's the safest way to go.
.

And this secret's what we've got so far,
Tell me who we really are.
And we'll live it off like our fairy tale,
And baby no one has to know.
.
So I'll be quiet beside you,
With my heart inside my chest.
Don't come and find me,
If I'm finally walking away.
.
And If I'm not beside you,
Then know that it's for the best,
Don't come find me,
I won't be waiting here.
.

.
I shout, I swear.
I get angry, are you scared?
I fall, I break.
I make fuck-ups. I make mistakes.
.
But if you can't take me at my worst
Then get out. I don't need you.
If you really needed a reason to Stay,
Then Leave. You don't have to.
.
I wrote this poem as a signal for help,
On behalf of anybody finding himself.
I wrote this poem to numb the pain,
Because I woke up everyday feeling the same.
.
I got issues like you got issues.
I've been hurt, I've seen scarred tissues.
If I showed you, would you run away?
Do I have to hide it for you to stay?
.
Do I, even need you?
Should I leave you?
Do I, have to be you,
Just to please you?
Do I, have to say I'm all good when I need you?
Do I have to pretend we're happy when I bleed at you?
.
So I close both hands to make this promise,
I close my eyes and turn away.
"Sometimes solutions aren't so simple.
Sometimes goodbye's the only way"
.
I promised to build our own world,
With you and me the painters.
But life had other plans,
And from lovers turned us to haters.
.
It started out as a feeling,
Which grew into a hope,
Which turned into a quiet thought,
That turned into a word.
.
And that word became frozen,
Into a never ending echo.
A hopeless and endless word you used,
You used the word "No".
.
.
So when it's evening I put my diary in it's file.
And put my pen back in it's drawers.
I walk outside in the lit up night,
And with silver tears I wish on the stars.
.

And I sing, "hey there sunshine,
You're an angel in my darkest days who shines.
God brought you in, so when God takes you back,
I'll say hey baby angel, if God takes you back you're home.
.
Hey there sunshine, when I fell down, you said you'd be holding me up.
You'll spread your wings, won't let me go.
You'll be the light to my dark,
You'll Be my present. Be my past,
Be my future, be my last, be my home.
.
And hey there sunshine, I hope that I see the world as you did.
Because my love for you wasn't as thick as your skin,
And it was a life I already lived.
Now that I've started over I just want you to know,
Spread your wings as you go.
You're my highs and my lows.
My colours and my dull,
And my fire and my snow,
You're the world as I know.
And when you laugh He gives me hope,
But here I am out of hope,
I'm a devil that gave up,
Because an angel left my home,
Look at the Me I've become.
Flap your wings as you go,
Because when God takes you back,
I'll say hey baby angel.
Hey dearest angel, you're home.
(M.Z)