She Will Be Loved (GirlxGirl)

14. Ellen V

***TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of mental breakdown***

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I rose before the sun did. Well, to tell the truth, I didn't sleep at all last night. Every time I had tried to close my eyes, a familiar face flashed in the darkness; a ray of light, a glimmer of hope.

Her amber gaze was magnetic, pulling me farther and farther from all the chaos, towards a land of beauty. Her eyes held a mystery in them, an untold story long forgotten, enchanting everyone in their iridescent glow.

So, I had to try drawing her face again. I had sat at the table with a blunt pencil in my hand. The table was scattered with too many loose pages and the dustbin at the foot of the table was filled with some of my previous rejections.

I had attempted to draw her since the day I saw her but the finished product never lived up to the mark. Nothing I made was able to capture her beauty, her true self. It all felt lackluster, as if the true essence had washed away with the waves of time. But last night, I was filled with a strong surge of determination.

Throughout the entire night, I made three drawings. Yet, they all had the same problem in them. Something was missing.

Something was always missing.

I had crumpled all the papers and stuffed them in the dustbin, which now was a mound of all my defeated works. It filled me with anger and frustration.

If I was not good enough to capture her face, how could I be good enough to capture her heart?

I leaned on the railing of my balcony and stared at the rising sun, which was emanating its strong orange glow and slowly taking over the purple sky.

It was at its most vulnerable at this time, and it seemed as if it was blushing. It would be painfully blinding to look at it at any other time, but right now, it was its softened self... mild.

It was so beautiful! Just like the familiar amber gaze that never ceased to amaze me.

My heart sped up at the thought of seeing Macy again. I was more nervous than excited. Of course she hadn't explicitly stated we were going on that sort of "date" but a part of my mind tried to stay hopeful.

Tried to.

But could not.

There was this crippling sense of doubt and misery in my mind that I wasn't worthy of her love. As the pessimism started to overtake me, a sad smile lingered at the corner of my lips.

I picked up the steaming cup of ginger tea from the tea table and took a sip. The warm liquid traveled down my oesophagus, heating every muscle.

A lack of sleep, paired with anxiety had caused me to be nauseous and thus, the good old ginger tea was here to help me. I finished my tea slowly, letting the warmth spread across my body, all the while stealing glances at the sun, which moved upwards in the sky.

With slow tired steps, I made my way to the bathroom. It was really early for Zach to wake up so it was a good time to take a shower. He had come back quite late last night.

I was working on my second drawing when he had called me to open the door. He was too tired to even have the dinner I had made and went straight to bed, the moment he came in. So, he wouldn't be awake any time sooner.

I brushed my teeth, took a hot shower, and put on the same clothes that I was wearing the night before. I switched on the lights that were above the mirror to take a good look at myself.

My eyes were puffed and looked bloodshot. The ancient dark circles were more prominent than ever and made my eyes look brutally bruised.
The dark brown irises looked dull and lost.